


Holiday Murders

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [10]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Harley Quinn (Comics), Jarley, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Crime, Elevator Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gas - Freeform, Grenades, Halloween, Jarley - Freeform, Joker and Harley have a loving relationship, Masks, Mugging, Murder, No abuse, Sex, Sex in a Car, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Dinner, Video & Computer Games, Violence, hammers, joker venom, prank, relations - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-08-04 20:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16353335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker has ideas to make the holidays more fun.First Halloween, then Thanksgiving and lastly Christmas





	1. Halloween

Across Gotham ‘twas the night before Halloween. 

Most citizens were at home getting ready for their evening dinners, some were watching television, while others were in bars grabbing a drink before heading home to their families. Children were home making last minute adjustments to their costumes, while others were planning on attending Halloween parties the following night. All of Gotham was busy when every television suddenly went black. 

* 

In the belly of a dark cave, Batman sat at his computer with his sidekick, Dick Grayson, at his side. They were monitoring some of the local new feeds while also looking for video evidence of a drug smuggling ring at Port Adams that had been linked to the Ventriloquist. While looking over some security footage from the dock, Batman sighed. Tomorrow was Halloween. He hated Halloween. It wasn’t just because the streets would be crawling with masks, both adults and children which made his work that much more difficult, but it was that people, bad people, would take advantage of the chaos that inevitably accompanied the holiday. There were always more break-ins, more drunken fights and some poor child becoming lost or worse, which also meant the streets of Gotham would be crawling with more GCPD. 

That was all to be expected, and while it meant more leg work, it wasn’t that big of an issue for Batman and Robin. No, the real reason that Batman hated Halloween was because Halloween always meant Joker was going to do something and that something usually caused Batman a huge headache. He tried not to dwell on thoughts of Joker and the Joker’s girlfriend and instead focused on the information he currently had on his computer, trying to piece together the clues that would tell him where the Ventriloquist’s next drug drop was going to be, what time and who all were involved, when his computer screen went dark. 

The caped crusader’s eyes narrowed. 

Dick frowned in confusion. “Did we just lose internet again?” 

(They had been having trouble with their connection lately...Bruce was going to have to speak to Lucius about boosting their signal.) 

After a couple of seconds of black, an image slowly came into focus on the screen showing a giant playing card that filled the screen featuring the grinning, crazed face of a Joker. Everyone across Gotham went still in the bars, their homes, in the subways watching video on their phones. Everyone knew what this meant and most everyone in 

Gotham City rightly feared the grinning vistage of the Joker. 

* 

Batman gritted out, “Joker.” 

His fingers flew over the keys, tapping in commands, trying to find a location of the psychotic clown… 

Dick frowned, watching the screen with a whispered, “Oh shit.” Batman said without looking up. “Language.” 

* 

Joker’s image popped up on the screen, grinning ear to ear, his lips dark red, his teeth bright white. He was dressed in a dark purple pinstripe suit, a bright orange shirt, blue bow tie and a pair of matching purple gloves. His green hair was slicked back and he had his fingers threaded together, while his chin rested on his gloved hands. He stared at the camera, smiling brightly for a full minute, as if giving his audience time to adjust to his sudden appearance. After a few more seconds of simply staring into the camera, 

Joker spoke. 

“Good evening, Gotham!!” Joker waved at the camera before he continued. “As all of you out there know, tomorrow is Halloween!!” Joker clapped his hands with joy. “Hoo, hoo, hoo. My, and of course my cute little poo Harley’s favorite holiday!” 

Canned applause sound was accompanied by Harley’s squeal of delight. 

Joker grinned and continued. “Now, for Halloween this year kiddies, your old Uncle Joker and Aunt Harley are having a contest!!” 

More canned applause followed. 

Joker smiled, motioning at the camera. “I know! Isn’t it grand?!” Joker put on a silly high pitched voice. “But Uncle Joker, a contest? What are the prizes, how can I enter?” Joker leaned forward. “Now listen close all you ghosties and ghoulies, this is what is going to happen. Tonight, at this very moment, some of my clowns are distributing masks throughout Gotham, rubber masks in the grumpy vistage of my dear old Batsy, my gorgeous assistant and sexy bed partner Harley.” (Joker winked and nodded at the camera.) “If you know what I mean by sexy bed partner...I mean we fuck like bunnies!!” He laughed with delight and Harley could be heard giggling in the background before he gasped in shock putting his fingers to his lips. “Oh, sorry about that kiddies, Uncle Joker gets excited thinking about Aunt Harley naked. Anyway, as I was saying...and masks of yours truly! Your gorgeous Uncle Joker. Now, here is the game my dear ones…” 

Joker smiled and rubbed his hands together like a kid on Christmas morning. “You, my lovely citizens of Gotham, are to collect these masks, collect as many Joker, Batman and Harley masks as you can get your grubby little hands on. Now there will be lots of me masks (here Joker held his gloves hands up to his face) and Bats, but my sweet little Harley masks will be rare, getting all of those will get you extra prizes kiddies!!” 

More confetti fell down on him. 

Joker laughed. “ The rules are this, there are no rules!!! You just have to get out there and collect masks!! Anyone can take a mask from you, and you can do the same to them! Use whatever means necessary! Get those masks!! The more masks you have, the bigger your prize!! What fun!” 

More canned applause. 

“Why collect masks you ask? Well, Old Uncle Joker is going to tell you. The prize for having the most masks is going to be $10,000!!!” Joker threw his arms up in the air in excitement. 

Suddenly confetti and balloons came raining down on the Joker followed by canned applause. 

Joker laughed. “That’s right my witches and warlocks! Cash prizes!!! But that’s not all!! There will be other prizes in store for all you ghoulies and ghosties!! Uncle Joker has so many Halloween surprises waiting for all of you tomorrow!!” 

This was followed by more confetti and balloons. 

“But…” Joker leaned toward the camera, his eyes dancing, his smile wide. “Here is the real kicker. The grand prize, the prize of prizes, my little mischief makers. For anyone that can bring me the real mask...the ultimate mask...Batman’s mask...they will win the grand, grand prize of…” 

A drum roll sounded in the background. 

Joker leaned into the camera and whispered loudly. “One million dollars!!” 

The canned applause became an uproar of sound. 

Joker laughed. “That’s right! Anyone who can bring me Batman’s own mask wins a million dollars!! So get ready kiddies!! Tomorrow is going to be one fun Halloween!!” 

The image went black, followed a few seconds later by the return of regular television. 

* 

Batman stared at the screen and muttered under his breath. “Fuck.” 

Dick’s eyes widened in surprise and it took every ounce of control not to tell Bruce “language.” 

* 

Joker burst out laughing, laughing so hard he nearly fell out of the chair he had been sitting in for the broadcast. Harley, (who was barefoot and wearing a pair of distractingly short pink shorts and a very tight little purple t-shirt that read “Team Joker” across her breasts) who had been behind the camera which Bob had been using to film their announcement, came rushing over to flop onto Joker’s lap. 

He laughed gathering her close, kissing her deeply, his tongue sliding into her mouth, his giggles only barely contained as he took the time to enjoy the kiss while stroking one hand down her bare leg. 

Harley giggled along with him, stroking her hands over his hair and face for a few moments. She licked his lips and giggled. “So that was the big surprise?” 

Joker grinned spinning the wheeled chair with her on his lap. “That’s the surprise sweets! We are going to sow chaos tomorrow night!” 

Harley giggled holding on tight as he spun them in the now dangerously balanced chair, her bare feet pulled up so that when he spun, she didn’t hit the desk. “You’re not really giving away money are you?” she asked in confusion when he stopped spinning. 

Joker snorted. “‘Course not pumpkin. Now...we might give away a few bombs, some acid, chattering teeth, pop guns, real guns, and maybe some of my laughing gas, but actual money? Pfffftttt!” He stuck his tongue out making Harley giggle. “Nope, but Gotham doesn’t need to know that. They won’t know if its true or not since I have thrown money away on them in the past.” He spun the chair. “This is going to be so much fun!!” 

Harley giggled, followed by a squeal as he yanked her closer and began to nibble on her neck, his gloved hand sneaking under her shorts to grab her butt. 

* 

Halloween night. 

The music played softly, Kelis’s voice sang about her milkshake while Harley danced around the room. She was busily getting ready to go out for Halloween with her puddin for their favorite night of the year. Tonight was going to be fun, watching as Gothamites tried to steal masks from each other. And of course, she and her puddin were going to be helping… 

At the moment she wasn’t wearing her costume for the night, only her panties, a pair of red and black print microfiber cheeky panties with black lace trim, lace-up front, and grommets, along with a red and black silk bra with lace trim. Her hair, which she had dyed half black and half red just for tonight, was pulled up into two buns, one on either side of her head. 

She bopped around the room to the music, making her way over to the dresser where her makeup was sitting out in from of the old and slightly cracked mirror. 

She stopped and leaned over, picking up her tube of black lipstick. She leaned toward the mirror and began to apply the lipstick, bouncing her feet up and down, her hips wiggling back and forth to the music. 

* 

Joker walked into the room carrying his tuxedo for tonight on a hanger over his shoulder, a white tuxedo instead of black this evening because black on Halloween was just too typical. He was wearing just a pair of boxers, white with little red hearts littered all over the cloth, a Valentine’s Day present from Harley. He had been downstairs with Bob to pick up his tux from the large man who had made sure it was clean and pressed, plus he had wanted to go over a few last minute details with Bob and Frost about tonight. He was planning on sending his gang out wearing their own masks as well as arming them with a few fun “tricks” to help make the evening a little more interesting. 

Joker grinned heading upstairs and looking forward to his night of chaos when he stepped into the room and stopped short. Harley was bent over, her rear in the air, her hips swaying back and forth to the music playing. He slowly reached behind him and pulled the door closed quietly. Harley didn’t notice--or if she did, she didn’t react. 

Joker made his way silently over to the coat hanger in the corner that held a wide variety of things, from feather boas to neck ties and a pair of handcuffs. He eased the tuxedo hanging onto one of the hooks, then slowly tiptoed toward Harley. 

Harley sang while she applied her blush, bouncing on her feet back and forth and her hips swaying to the beat… 

“I know you want it, 

The thing that makes me, 

What the guys go crazy for. 

They lose their minds, 

The way I wind, 

I think it's time…” 

* 

Harley was completely unaware that anyone else was in the room as she sang out loud and danced happily as she bent over the vanity and applied makeup. She was just going into the next chorus when suddenly she felt fingers tickling up the back of her thighs, followed by the stroke of blunt nails pressing into her skin. Harley yelped in surprise. She started to turn around, but the hands grabbed her hips and pulled her back against a pair of cotton boxers and a hard erection pressing behind her butt cheeks. 

Harley looked in the mirror to see Joker grinning at her. “Mmm...I like your milkshake very much.” He giggled, his eyes moving from the mirror to her backside. “Very much indeedie I do.” 

Joker’s smile widened as he waggled his eyebrows at her. “You really shouldn’t move your hips like that Harls, it's very distracting,” Joker purred against her ear. 

Harley giggled. “There you are!” 

Joker smiled pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “Here I am.” 

He released her waist only long enough to slide his hands up her torso to cup her breasts in the lace bra. Harley laughed. “This is not my costume silly.” 

“Oh? It isn’t? Well then, I should take it off of you,” Joker mused. 

Harley giggled. “Oh no you don’t!” 

She tried to pull away, but Joker dropped his hands from her breasts, moving so quickly that Harley wasn’t aware her bra was undone and off of her until Joker was dropping it to the floor. 

“Ah, now, that is much better!” je cooed with a wide smile. 

For a split second Harley looked confused, but then Joker’s warm hands had come back around to cup her breasts once more. 

“Hmm…” He pulled her back against him, his lips caressed her ear. “I think I might have to dip into the candy before the main event sweets.” 

Harley giggled, tilting her head into his kisses. He brushed her ear before he made his way down to her shoulder and littered her smooth skin with kisses. Harley closed her eyes enjoying the feel of his lips. “But I thought everyone was waiting on us?” 

Joker chuckled, squeezing her breasts once before sliding his hands down her stomach, his fingers inched under her panties and began to slip them down her legs. “Let’em wait pumpkin, I’m the boss after all. The fun doesn’t start until I say it starts.” 

Harley giggled wiggling a little as her panties slid down her legs. She stepped out of them, at the same time Joker shoved his boxers down, but he didn’t let her turn around. Instead he gazed at her in the mirror, his fingers caressing the triangle of her sex at the same time he pressed his teeth into her shoulder. 

Harley groaned. The pain was sweet, just enough to send a ripple of shock through her, but was quickly followed by his fingers sliding between her legs while he pulled her legs apart with his other hand. His fingers pressed gently against her clitoris, then slowly began to move in a circle, pressing and pulling her clitoris as he touched her. He used his entire hand to cup her, sliding his fingers against her, reaching down to coat his fingers with her fluids before he cupped her again, rubbing her slowly. The fingers of his other hand press into the soft skin of her thigh, tugging her leg out a little more as he rubbed. 

Harley arched her back, leaning against him reaching around to grasp his hips her hips swayed against his fingers, moaning deeply, his touched felt so good. 

Joker smiled as he ran his tongue along the curve of her ear, his eyes watching her in the mirror. He slid his free hand up to her breast, stroking her nipple with the tip of his finger, moving the sensitive nub around in a circle before he wrapped his hand around her breast and squeeze against followed by a delicate pinch. 

Harley groaned. “Uh...puddin…” 

Joker pressed her back against himself; his erection ached as he rubbed against the soft skin of her rear. 

“Watch me touch you Harley,” he purred against her ear. 

Harley opened her eyes, meeting his gaze in the mirror before her eyes dropped to where she could see him slowly twisting the nipple of her breast, then lower still watching him rub his fingers against her. She hissed with pleasure, her body trembled as Joker pulled her more firmly back against him, rubbing and rolling her clitoris with more vigor. She responded by thrusting her hips against him, rolling with each stroke, her breath coming in quicker and quicker gasps as he drew her closer and closer to her climax. 

Joker growled, dropping his lips to her throat, his teeth pressing once more into her skin. He sucked against her throat, rubbing her, stroking her nipple. He smiled as her breath became more and more ragged. He looked up, catching her eyes in the mirror and Harley cried out. She arched against him, his fingers pressing hard into her hips as she came. 

Joker chuckled as he dragged his tongue along her collar, dropped his arm from her breast and wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her tight against him as he continued to roll his fingers against her clitoris. He whispered against her ear, his tongue licking along her ear lobe his blue eyes on her, staring at her in the mirror. 

“Cum for me again Harls. I wanna hear you,” he purred before catching her ear lobe with his teeth. 

Harley groaned in response, her hips rolling against his touch. Her eyes shifted from his, to his hand, his arm tight against her, his pale skin contrasted with her own. She rose up onto her tiptoes, leaning hard into him as her second orgasm felt as if it ripped through her, making her feel delightfully weakened. 

Joker held her, setting his legs firmly and grinning with pleasure as he felt her body rock against him, her fingers sure to leave behind bruises. He took his fingers away only so that he could push her forward. 

Harley dropped down, her hands landing on her vanity. She grinned, biting her bottom lip while her gaze met his in the mirror. 

Joker grinned, running his hands up her sides and along her back, feeling the soft yet firm curves of her body, caressing the smooth silk of her skin. His gaze only left her as he bent down and kissed the small of her back, dragging his lips down to her rear where he opened his mouth, kissing her skin, his tongue sliding along the silk of her skin, his teeth pressing down, though he resisted the urge to bite hard. He never wanted to hurt his Harley--not too much--though just enough to bruise, just enough to mark her. He liked seeing the bruises on her skin in the shape of his teeth or fingers almost as much as he liked seeing the same bruises on his own skin from her. Those marks were a sign of their vigorous private moments. 

Joker chuckled and slid his hands down her thighs, brushing his lips against her skin, while his nose caressed her flesh. Harley smelled sweet, like honey and vanilla, warm and soft, sweet and delicious all the things he loved about her. He licked along her lower back, his hands caressing her thighs and hips before he stood up straight and used a foot to spread her legs wider. He kept one hand on her hip; his thumb caressing her skin while he held himself steady at her wet entrance, her welcoming warmth begging for him to enter. 

Harley glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled. 

Joker grinned in return. 

She hissed as Joker slid his erection against her entrance, and grinned at how warm and wet she felt. She smiled over her shoulder at him, licking her lips and then she wiggled her rear at him. Joker chuckled in response just before he slid inside her. 

Harley moaned and arched her back, her fingers pressing hard against the vanity. She gazed into the mirror, seeing him behind her, his hands gripped her hips and he yanked her back, pressing her rear against him. His gaze met hers, followed by his smile that she absolutely adored. He held her hips and firmly thrust into her. 

He licked his lips, holding her, watching in the mirror the way her breasts bounced, the look of ecstasy on her face. Joker dug his fingers harder into the flesh of her hips, a low groan escaping his lips. She was so gorgeous, his girl, his sweet, beautiful, funny girl. He bit his lips, slowing his thrusts down, taking his time to enjoy sliding into her, pulling her rear back against him. She was so soft and wet, but the sight of her face, the expression of pleasure made him harder, his body tightening and aching. She was so beautiful he thought, his girl, so beautiful with her eyes partly closed, her mouth slightly open. The sounds and sight of their fucking filled his senses, the wet sound of their bodies coming together, their shared panting, the sound of her body meeting his and the sound of the vanity hitting the wall each time he thrust his hips against her. 

Joker groaned loudly yanking her back, holding her hips firmly. 

Harley pushed up from the vanity, her gymnast’s agile body allowing her to easily arch back, reaching behind her, her hands caressing his neck and hair as she leaned her head back forcing him to angle his hips. 

Joker responded by sliding his hands up her sides, caressing her ribs before reaching around to cup her breasts in his hands, squeezing at the same time that he licked her ear. 

She purred. “Puddin...I love you…” 

Joker hissed low and deep. “I love you sweets, my little pumpkin poo….” 

Harley gasped on a giggle as the pleasure of his words rolled down her body like a warm caress. 

Joker hissed, thrusting up and pinched her nipples at the same time, made Harley cry out. Her fingers grabbed fistsful of green hair, and her orgasm felt like a burst of warmth inside and out. She dropped forward and her hands slammed on top of the vanity. 

Joker grabbed her hips and yanked her against him again, plunging into her with more force. 

Harley’s head came up, her eyes catching his while he thrust hard and fast into her; he looked into the mirror, smiling at the expression of pleasure on her face. Harley groaned, smiling back at him, the look on his face sending more ripples of delight through her entire body. 

He glanced down only once to watch as his erection disappeared into her, watching the play of their bodies together before his gaze came back up to meet hers. 

Harley sucked on her bottom lip as waves of intense pleasure rolled through her, but while she watched her puddin, his body tensed, his eyes rolled close and his entire body ached, his fingers pressing painfully into her hips as he came with a low deep moan. 

“Uuhh...Harley!” 

That was the moment there was a knock at the door followed by Frost speaking. 

“Boss, the bike’s ready to go. Bob just got back from filling it up and Bozo just reported in that all the masks are on the street.” 

Joker groaned dropping forward and wrapping his arms around Harley’s waist. His legs felt weak for a moment as he struggled to get his breathing under control. There was another knock. 

“Boss? You okay?” Frost called out. 

Joker sighed. “I’m fine! Be there in a minute! Geez, Frost always has the worst timing.” 

Harley giggled. 

* 

On the other side of the door Frost (wearing his typical black suit, white shirt and red tie but with the addition of clown makeup tonight) frowned then muttered to himself. 

“Shit,” he muttered before he called back out. “Sorry Boss, see you and Miss Harley downstairs.” 

Frost turned and hurried down, muttering to himself that he should have known better...Harley had been up there getting ready and the Boss had gone upstairs in just his boxers...it happened every time he didn’t know why he was surprised. 

He hurried on down the stairs to where Bob was waiting. The big man was dressed in full clown gear tonight with red and white striped hose, combat boots that he had painted pink, a pink tutu trimmed in orange, an orange top decorated with polka dots with puffy yellow sleeves, and a pointy cone hat, trimmed in pink tulle on his bald head. The hat itself was orange and covered in colorful polka dots. Bob had painted his face white and wore a bright red clown nose with black stars painted over his eyes, a bright red smile across his mouth, and round red circles on his cheeks. 

He was holding large pink basket that Frost knew contained two guns, some canisters and a bouquet of fake flowers in his other hand. 

Bob looked expectantly up at Frost just as Frost hopped off the last step grimacing a little. “They’ll be down soon.” 

Bob stared at him then nodded with a bright grin while flopping down on the couch. He grinned at Frost and patted the spot beside him before he reached into his gun basket and pulled out a bag of Halloween candy. Frost frowned then shrugged. Why not, he thought. 

* 

Joker, wearing his white tux and goggles, hooted with glee as he hit the gas on his motorcycle and zipped through the crisp Gotham City night with Harley, dressed in a little black and red dress with puff sleeves and a fluffy skirt that was made more tutu like with layers of tulle underneath that allowed the skirt to flounce about when she walked. She also had opted for black and white checked socks that went up to her mid-thigh with visible garters holding them up and a pair of black high heeled ankle boots, a pair of spats over them and ruffles at the top. Over this she wore a long red and black coat with tails that resembled the coat worn by a circus ringmaster, along with matching gloves. She grinned brightly and the mask across her eyes made the blue twinkle more brightly. On her back was a large backpack filled with their toys for the night. 

As they drove through Gotham, they could see the streets were crawling with people wearing Batman and Joker masks, but where Joker was heading was where most of the action was currently taking place, Robinson Park. 

Joker grinned and yelled. “Hey Harls, we’re almost there! Hold on!” 

He spun their motorcycle in a hard right that almost laid the bike out before he whipped between several cars. A chorus of horns blared at them, but then Joker zipped past and through the main entrance of the park. 

* 

Batman stood on the edge of a building looking down through his binoculars and cursed under his breath as he saw a small group of seven people--all dressed in Joker masks--making their way down the street. From the looks of it, they had several Batman masks in their possession already. He hated to think of how they had gotten them. He turned and adjusted the lenses. In the distance there was a small group of Batmen with one Harley among them heading east. Thank goodness the group of Jokers were going the other way so they shouldn’t run into each other, at least for now. 

Batman had just returned from another mini riot near Old Gotham where a large group of Jokers had cornered a smaller group of Batmen. Each group had been armed with bats and other bludgeoning weapons. Their fight had turned into a free-for-all with several people ending up in the hospital. This was followed by an attack on a small group of Harleys by a mixed gang of Jokers and Batmen. 

The Gotham City Police department was busy all over Gotham trying in vain to contain the situation, but there were just too few of the officers to keep up with the chaos the game that Joker had set into play was causing--all in addition to the normal craziness of Halloween in a large city. 

Batman glanced over when he saw movement from the corner of his eye. Robin dropped down from the building beside him. 

“Okay, I got those two Harleys over to the police station, but they are overflowing there with Jokers and Batmen in the holding cells. How many masks did Joker manage to get on the street?” Robin shook his head in disbelief. “At this rate the cops are going to run out of places to put them all. All the precincts are nearly at ‘standing room only’ capacity.” 

Batman put his binoculars away as he turned to face Robin. The young man looked tired, but they still had hours to go until daylight. 

Batman sighed. “I don’t know, but he had enough to cover most of Gotham. The police may have to let many of these masked people go, but if they continue to confiscate the masks that will help reduce the number on the streets.” 

Robin nodded, but ventured softly, “Unless some of the cops decide they want a shot at Joker’s money...” 

Batman frowned, his eyes narrowing slightly at the thought. He pushed the thought aside. “Have you spoken to Huntress yet?” 

Robin nodded. “Yeah, she’s keeping busy over in Coventry. She stumbled upon a fight in a nightclub. Turned out most of the patrons were Batmen when a handful of Jokers walked in.” He shook his head. “From what she said, it was some party.” 

Batman grunted in response before he added. “I have Batwoman and Batgirl helping down near city hall and The Creeper is in the fashion district. Lastly, Azrael is at Sheldon Park breaking up another gang fight of Jokers versus more Batmen.” 

Robin shook his head. “It’s a good thing everyone was able to help out tonight. I guess Joker got what he wanted--Gotham is a mess tonight.” 

Batman was about the respond when Alfred’s voice sounded through his comlink. “Sir, you might want to head over to Robinson Park. There is apparently a rather large gathering of Jokers and Batman imposters, along with the rest of the Harleys, occurring at this moment. It is a large enough grouping that the GCPD is sounding quite stressed.” 

Batman touched his earpiece. “I’m on my way, Batman out.” 

Batman grunted at his partner. “Come on.” 

Robin started to ask where they were going, but Batman was already disappearing off of the roof. The young man sighed and hurried to keep up. 

* 

Joker stashed his bike, arming it with his own special little protection device that didn’t just deliver an electrical shock, it delivered a fatal electrical shock. Once that was done, Joker took hold of Harley’s hand and they set off into the park with a skip in their step to look for Frost and Bob. The Joker’s lieutenants were already here along with several of members of the gang monitoring the situation as well as providing some extra...laughs when called for to make sure that everyone was still having fun. Granted, sometimes those extra laughs required an explosion, but what good laugh didn't, Joker wondered as he kissed Harley’s knuckles and continued happily though the park. 

The park was lit with strings of fairy lights and a few old fashioned looking streetlamps, all producing a dim yellow glow that made the park look like an enchanted forest. 

Joker was humming, enjoying the crisp autumn air and holding his girl’s hand. It was a great night. He swung Harley’s and his clasped hands between them as they entered the park when they saw two young people, a boy who could be no older than fifteen and a girl around the same age. They were both in costumes; the dark-skinned girl was dressed in black, but she had a hockey mask resting on the back of her head. The pale-skinned boy with her had a vampire cape on, but what Joker and Harley noticed was that both kids had Batman masks with them. 

Joker frowned, sharing a look with Harley. Harley frowned then nodded and with silent agreement, they headed over to the kids. 

“So, what are you two darlings up to?” Joker asked with a grin, stopping beside the two who had stopped so the boy could tie his shoe. 

The boy looked up. “We heard the Joker is giving away money for whoever has the most masks. We thought we might try for it. I mean, it's a lot of money mister. By the way--good costume.” 

Joker giggled and looked down at himself. “Well thank you, and what’s your name?” 

The boy looked at his companion then shrugged. “I’m Marvin and this is Ashley.” 

Harley tilted her head. “You sure you two should be doing this? I mean, I heard it was dangerous. You know the Joker, he’s nuts.” She spun her finger at her temple and crossed her eyes for effect. 

Joker snickered and gave Harley a playful bump with his hip. 

Ashley shrugged. “It’s Gotham, everything is dangerous,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. 

Joker and Harley both frowned and shrugged. 

Joker sighed. “How about this, I’ll give you each five hundred for your masks.” 

Marvin frowned and blinked. “What? Like, right now?” 

Joker nodded. “Right now.” 

The two kids shared a look, but Marvin narrowed his eyes at the two adults. “What’s the catch?” 

Joker chuckled. “Oh, I like you Marvin. No catch. Just go home, both of you five hundred dollars richer.” 

Ashley elbowed her friend. “Let’s do it. I hate being in the park after dark.” 

Marvin frowned then nodded. “Fuck, five hundred is better than nothing.” 

Joker laughed. “Oh, I do like you. Harley?” 

Harley pulled her backpack around, unzipping it and rummaging around. She pulled out two stacks of bills, handing one to Ashley and one to Marvin. The two kids looked through the money, both of them looked shocked. 

“Wow man, like...wow,” Marvin said in shock. 

Ashley swallowed and then looked between Joker and Harley, really examined them. Then she inhaled sharply and hissed. “You’re the real deal ain’t you?” 

Joker and Harley both laughed. 

Joker bowed, one hand to his chest and the other out to his side. “The one and only Joker and this is my pumpkin poo, the indomitable Harley Quinn.” 

Harley waved with a wide grin. 

Marvin paled and Ashley swayed on her feet a little until Marvin grabbed her, putting his arm around her shoulders. 

Joker put his hand on both kids’ shoulders and forcibly turned them around. “Now, you two go home and when you are both over eighteen, look me up. I might have positions for you in my gang.” 

The two kids took off at a run, only turning long enough for them both to wave. 

Harley laughed. “Well, there went the money we were gonna throw to cause a riot.” 

Joker shrugged and took her hand in his again. “Ah, money well spent...corrupting the youth.” He turned and started to walk again, swinging her hand. “Besides, they’ll like me better than Batman now. He’ll hate that!” 

They both started to laugh. 

* 

They hadn’t gone very far when they heard a loud gruff voice growl out. “Hey fucker! No cosplayers.” 

Joker and Harley turned to see three men, all wearing Joker masks. The largest of the three held a baseball bat in his hand, which he was smacking against the palm of his other hand. He stepped forward. 

“The rules is fucker, that you gotta collect masks. The Joker didn’t say anything about some cosplaying pussy. So why don’t you and your friend there just turn around and leave before someone gets hurt.” The head Joker stopped and continued to smack his bat into his open palm in a fashion that Joker was quickly finding very irritating. His two masked friends behind him snickered. One of them was armed with a knife, while the other held a baseball bat as well. 

Joker frowned. “How rude.” 

Harley leaned up on her tiptoes and whispered loudly so everyone could hear. “Let me have ‘em puddin.” 

Joker grinned. “All right. I am wearing white after all, and I don’t really feel like messing up my tuxedo just yet.” Joker turned and grabbed her face with one gloved hand pulling her close and kissed her passionately, his tongue slipping into her mouth, while his other hand wrapped around her waist and yanked her against him. Harley giggled grabbing his waist with both her hands, kissing him back hard before grabbing his bottom lip with her teeth. She tugged playfully at his red lip, which made Joker growl. 

“Mmm…pumpkin…” Joker purred. 

One of the masked Jokers frowned and hissed. “Hey ah, Darrell, I ah think…” 

The big Joker turned. “Shut up Harold, what did I tell you about thinking?” 

“Well I...I think that might be the real Joker, Harold,” the shorter Joker warned. 

The bigger one, Darrell, laughed. “Please, he ain’t gonna show up down here.” 

Joker, his arm still around Harley’s waist laughed. “Oh that’s where you are wrong my dear, dear Darrell.” Joker licked Harley’s cheek. “Now you have fun pumpkin poo.” 

Harley licked him back before she spun the backpack off her shoulder, quickly opened it, and pulled out two clawed hammers. She flipped them around and caught them easily by their handles. 

Darrell stared at her, then at Joker and hissed with widening eyes and belated realization. “Fuck.” 

Joker laughed followed by a bright happy grin. “Oops! You were wrong!” 

Harley took off at a run, doing a little hop that was followed by a perfectly executed handless flip. She landed in a crouch in front of the biggest Joker masked man. 

She grinned brightly and winked at the one named Darrell before she hit him across the face with her hammer. Darrell stumbled backwards, his nose possibly broken if the gush of blood from under his mask was any indication. The flood of blood covered his chest in bright red. 

The one named Harold only hesitated for a moment before he came to his friend’s defense along with the other masked Joker with no name. Harold swung his bat at Harley, but she spun one way hitting the nameless Joker across his chest, before finishing the spin by flipping her hammers around and ducking low. She easily avoided Harold’s clumsy swing before bringing her hammers inward, catching Harold in the sides, which was followed by the sound of Harold’s scream and the sound of his ribs breaking. Harley followed her rib breaking attack by smashing one hammer across Harold’s face, dislodging his jaw, and with the other hammer she struck him in the forehead, dropping the man into a lumpy, unmoving heap. 

Harley giggled and danced back as Darrell stood up, yanking his mask off. (Harley giggled. His nose was badly broken, twisted to the side of his face making the man look like a Mr. Potato Head except someone had put the nose in the wrong hole) He struggled to wipe blood and snot off his face. He and his nameless friend didn’t have enough sense to run, even as their friend lay on the ground groaning in pain. Harley wasn’t really sure what they thought they were doing when they attacked her. She shrugged, doing an armless cartwheel to the side, avoiding Darrell’s bat and his friend’s knife while Joker cheered her on. 

“Get ‘em pumpkin!!!” Joker clapped and laughed with delight watching Harley work. She was just gorgeous, he thought with a big smile. 

Darrell took a swing at her. Harley leaned back, the bat passing over her. She came up, flipping her hammer around and catching it just before she buried the metal claw in Darrell’s forearm. The man screamed, but the sound was quickly cut off as she yanked it out, a few droplets of blood flying and catching the dim light of the park just before she buried the same claw into the side of Darrell’s throat. 

The nameless Joker tried to stab her, but Harley used her free arm to block by sweeping her forearm into his wrist before flipping his arm around and forcing the knife down. She brought the head of the other hammer down in the middle of the nameless Joker’s chest, followed by the sound of cracking bone. He gasped for air, but tried one more time to stab at her. Harley yanked the hammer out of Darrell’s throat; the man fell in a heap as she brought the hammer around smashing it down on the nameless man’s arm breaking bone with a meaty sounding thunk and a dull crack. The man gasped in pain. Harley giggled and kicked him in his broken breastbone, knocking him off his feet. 

She took two quick steps and brought one of her hammers down on his forehead with a loud crack. She stepped back with a giggle. Thankfully, the Joker mask hiding the damaged she had done. 

Joker put two fingers in his mouth and whistled before he clapped his hands wildly. “That is beautiful!!!” 

Harley squealed and ran over to Joker. She dropped her hammers to throw herself into Joker’s arms, wrapping her arms and legs around him. He caught her up and swung her around kissing her passionately, his lips and tongue moving over her mouth, kissing her with a slow burning delight before he set her on her feet. 

“That was just beautiful my darling girl,” he purred, reaching up to brush his fingertips along her hairline. 

Harley blushed and giggled. “I learned from the best.” 

Joker laughed. “That you did! That you did! Well, let’s get going sweets, before we miss too much of the fun!” 

Harley grinned and picked up her hammers, dropping the bloody tools into her backpack which she quickly swung over her shoulder, and took Joker’s hand in hers again. 

The two of them skipped into the darkened park heading toward the sounds that were gradually growing louder. 

* 

Joker and Harley could hear the sounds of fighting well before they arrived. 

Joker gasped with delight as they crested a hill. In the middle of the Forum of the Twelve Caesars (a large mausoleum that was located in Robinson Park, there well before the park was established) and around the other graves, was what looked like a full on war occurring with masked Batmen and Jokers beating each other with bats, knives, fists and anything else they could get a hold of as they all fought to get a hold of each others masks. 

Joker laughed. “This is fantastic!!!” he exclaimed in delight. “Harley! Higher ground!! I need a better look.” 

Harley saluted. “On it puddin!” 

She looked around before she grabbed his sleeve and tugged, pointing at a large, ancient looking oak tree that stood at the edge of the clearing. The tree was large enough Joker could have had Frost and Bob in the tree with them easily. 

Joker laughed. “To the tree!!!” 

Harley and Joker took off for the tree, holding hands and giggling like school children, avoiding most of the fighting as they raced for the tree. Joker scrambled up the tree easily, finding a large branch where he could sit, his legs dangling as he straddled the branch. Harley hurried up, climbing the tree easily, taking up a seat right behind him, her arms around his waist, her chin resting on his shoulder. From here they had a perfect view of the fight going on below. 

Harley did a quick estimate and realized there might be a hundred people in masks below in the forum. 

“Harley, isn’t it beautiful!” Joker said with a happy sigh. “This is just so much fun to watch!” 

Harley giggled. “Yes it is puddin.” 

Joker leaned back against her, smiling happily and laid his hands over hers which were around his waist. 

(Bob was currently sitting on the steps of the mausoleum watching the fighting while eating some candy he had trick or treated on the way here. Frost was with him, keeping an eye out for Joker and Harley while trying to make sure none of their people started trying to take masks or in anyway got involved in Joker’s game except to watch out for Batman. When he caught sight of Joker and Harley heading for the tree, he tapped Bob on the shoulder pointing the Boss out. Bob jumped up with a bright grin and the two men hurried to follow.) 

* 

Batman arrived in Robinson Park and heard the cacophany of a large group of people fighting. He ground his teeth together. Robin frowned. “Is that what I think it is?” 

Batman nodded. 

Robin looked up at Batman. “Should I call for backup?” 

Batman growled with a slight shake of his cowled head. “No, we can handle this.” 

* 

Joker was in tears laughing at the fighting going on. There was at least one dead and several people were bleeding, but that hadn’t stopped anyone. 

Harley giggled softly enjoying her puddin’s enjoyment when she saw a shadow. Her eyes widened as she realized what it was that she had seen...a bat-shaped shadow. 

“Puddin! Puddin! He’s here!” Harley tensed, her hands spread across her lover’s stomach. She had lost sight of the Bat almost as soon as she had seen him. 

Joker gasped and clapped his hands like a child on Christmas. “He is? Perfect!! Harley, my babies!! Let’s make this fight more interesting!!” 

Harley pulled her backpack off, swiftly sticking her hand inside and pulling out one last thing that Joker had requested she pack for tonight...the first of several little, bright green and purple spheres with painted smiling faces on them. 

Harley handed a couple around to Joker who laughed, grabbing her hand that held the happy little bombs and kissed her knuckles before he took them from her. “Perfect!! Now, let’s watch some real chaos!” 

Harley grinned and wrapped her arms back around him, holding him tightly as she kissed his ear. 

* 

Down below, Frost was leaning against the huge oak tree, his weapon out and guarding his boss as they all watched the chaos. He looked up when he heard Joker. The bombs. The happy little bombs he had spent hours painting with Bob, Harley and the Boss yesterday afternoon, the little cheerful bombs that he knew would explode with several gases from Joker’s famous laughing gas, to itching clouds, diarrhea causing smoke and lastly some that would explode into simple blasts of permanent dye from dye packs, dying the skin of whoever was unlucky enough to be near them...like the dye used by banks. Frost knew exactly what was about to happen. He elbowed Bob who was leaning next to him eating a fun size candy bar. 

Bob looked over at Frost, then up when Frost pointed at the Boss. 

Bob grinned and reached down for his basket and pulled out a handful of the small bombs he had packed, now mixed in with his Halloween candy. 

Frost frowned staring at Bob’s merrily painted bombs. “Well, just don’t throw them too close to us, okay?” 

Bob only grinned and waited for the Boss’s signal. 

* 

Batman landed silently along with Robin on top of the mausoleum. The fight below was a chaotic brawl. Nearly everyone wore masks; those who weren’t were either down, beaten, maybe even dead. And all those still masked were fighting and struggling to pull the masks off the others. Batman could see that a few people had masks either stuffed in their belts or carried bags with masks--presumably--inside. 

Batman cursed to himself again. That damn clown and his games. He was sure there was no money involved, that all of this had simply been a Halloween game for the clown and his playmate Harley Quinn...just to cause damage to life and property. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind, than the sound of a small explosion followed by screams and a puff of green gas scattered the crowd, followed by another in purple and yet another in yellow, followed by several more all in the same three colors. 

Robin sucked in a breath and pointed. “Batman!” 

* 

Joker giggled so hard that he nearly fell off the tree branch, only staying on because Harley had a hold of him. He threw three more bombs randomly into the crowd while Harley held onto him as tightly as she could. She was giggling right along with him, her arms snug around his middle. 

Below them, Bob was happily tossing his own bombs while Frost kept anyone and everyone away. There were already at least four unconscious Jokers and one Batman at his feet, all people he had punched unconscious. 

People in the crowd, Joker or Batman masked, began falling down with laughter, their faces contorting into unnatural smiles. Others were crying with uncontrollable diarrhea, while some were scratching themselves bloody. Some others had all three symptoms, but nearly everyone was blasted some shade of purple or green from the dye bombs that had been littered among the crowd Several people began running…there was screaming, yet others were still fighting (and trying to get as many masks as they could from those who were down.) 

Harley had just handed Joker a little purple bomb when she saw Batman's cape extended making him look like a Halloween monster as he swooped down over the crowd. She could tell he wasn’t gliding toward them, but he was clearly on the lookout. She grabbed Joker’s arm. 

“Puddin!” She pointed. 

Joker followed her arm and giggled. “There’s my buddy! Right on time to bring our little party to an end. He really doesn’t have any Halloween spirit does he? It’s really sad since he dresses like a damn bat too.” 

Joker looked down and yelled. “Catch!” just before he pushed himself off the branch. 

Frost looked up just in time. With a squawk of surprise he rushed over, only to have Joker hit him like a ton of bricks. Frost caught him, holding Joker in a bridal carry, and just barely kept his feet under him. 

Joker laughed and gave Frost a loud kiss on the cheek. “Thank you darling!” 

Joker looked up at Harley. “Come on pumpkin!! Let’s go!” 

Harley smiled and jumped down into Bob’s waiting embrace. Bob hugged her tightly, swinging her around once before he set her on her feet and gave her a little shove toward Joker. 

Joker grabbed her hugging her tight before he took her hand. “All right, scatter boys!” Joker and Harley disappeared, both of them laughing. 

* 

It took Batman and Robin over an hour to get everything under control, which meant not just getting the people under control, but to have found a way to disperse the gas enough so the police themselves did not succumb to Joker’s variety of gases. The GCPD were able to come in and start cleaning up the mess, taking people to the hospital and others to jail. 

Finally Batman and Robin were able to take a break, resting atop one of Gotham’s towering buildings. The rest of the masked vigilantes who had come to Batman’s--and the city’s--aid tonight reported in. The night had finally quieted as the realization that there was to be no prize money from the Joker made its way through Gotham...Halloween was finally drawing to a close. 

Robin yawned. “That was one long night. At least Joker won’t be able to get away with a stunt like this next year.” 

Batman grunted. “True, but there will always be those whose lust for money will get in the way of their common sense. Joker will find a way to make those sorts of people believe him if he tries something similar in the future.” 

Robin sighed, which was followed by a bark of laughter. “Maybe next year he and Harley will just go trick or treating?” 

Batman muttered. “Heaven forbid.”


	2. Thanksgiving

Joker was wearing only his purple boxers with multicolored polka dots, striped green and yellow socks and an orange t-shirt that read “Video Games Don’t Make You Violent…” except where it originally read “Lag Does” Joker had used marker to write “Batman Does” at the bottom of the shirt. He narrowed his eyes at the television screen from his position sitting cross-legged on the couch. He had a game controller in his hands, a headset on, his blue eyes focused with deadly precision on the game in front of him. Harley glanced over from their little kitchen where she was making some pancakes. She was in a pair of fuzzy red and black pajama pants and a tight little black t-shirt decorated with happy little candy canes dancing across her chest. Her hair was up in pigtails held in place by ties with large red plastic balls. She dropped the pancake she had just finished onto a plate and picked up the can of whipped cream, spraying a generous amount of sticky white onto the top of the breakfast food. She placed some sliced strawberries on the cream before she started on the next pancake, sticking her fingers in her mouth and sucking off the juice from the strawberries. 

Joker had been playing Call of Combat, (one of the most popular video games from the last decade) for the last few days. Their last caper had been spoiled by Batman and his little sidekick, with Joker and Harley just barely getting away. They had decided to lay low for a few days after that, which was why her puddin had been so absorbed by the game; besides having a lot of sex, it was the only other thing preventing Joker from bouncing off the walls. He was good at the game too, very good. Joker enjoyed shooting people, or making them explode...he enjoyed the basic mayhem built into the game. She smiled and flipped some more pancakes thinking how cute her puddin was when she heard her him curse. It wasn’t a just a simple curse, but it was a long drawn out very descriptive curse. 

Harley dropped the last pancake onto the plate turning to look over her shoulder at Joker. 

Over the headset Joker heard one of the players on the other team laugh. “Hey jerkwad, put your mother on, she probably plays better than you.” 

Joker hissed. “Haha, very funny.” 

The person on the other team snickered. “All right asswipe, get ready to have your balls handed to you.” 

The game started and Joker grinned as he began to play. 

Harley came over carrying two plates of pancakes, whip cream and strawberries, and sat down next to her puddin placing his plate on the living room table. 

“How’s it going puddin?” Harley asked as she set her plate on her lap, cut into her pancakes, and stuffed a large bite into her mouth. 

Joker bit out through gritted teeth. “I’m winning, but that...ass on the other team has a very dirty mouth and he’s rude.” 

Harley cut a bite off her pancakes and leaned over to feed Joker a bite. She knew if she didn’t feed him, he wouldn’t eat. He grinned at her as he chewed, some whipped cream at the corner of his mouth as he spared her a quick glance before he returned his focus to the game. After a few more minutes he giggled and pointed one long finger at the screen. “Ha! Take that you little shit.” 

Over the headphones Joker heard the same person yell. “You fucking cheated JokerMan.” 

Joker snorted. “I did not cheat.” 

“Look motherfucker cock goblin I don’t know how you did it, but you’re a fucking cheater,” the voice on the other end snarled. 

Joker narrowed his eyes at the screen noting the screen name with a sneer. “You know Mr. BigDick234, people like talking to you at parties because the music drowns out your personality.” 

“You know what? Let’s go fuckwad. You wanna fight me in real life?” 

Joker smiled softly as his eyebrows lifted a fraction. “Why don’t you give me your address?” 

“Sure shithead, I’ll give you my address. I dare you to show up.” 

Joker smiled, pulling the headphones off so Harley could hear the person on the other end. She giggled and without prompting dropped her plate on the coffee table and hurried over to her puddin’s work desk, grabbed some scrap paper and a pencil, then quickly jotted down the address and the name. 

Joker smiled. “Well Chad, I’ll see you soon.” 

“Yeah right, faggot.” 

Joker giggled and turned the game off before turning to Harley. “How would you feel about a road trip to Philadelphia sweets, just the two of us...should take us about an hour or so? We can stop and get some eggnog milkshakes from that place you like...” 

Harley squealed with delight. “YES!! Roadtrip!!!” 

* 

Half an hour later Joker was dressed in a white pin striped suit with a bright red flower pinned to his lapel. Under the jacket, he had chosen a crisp black dress shirt and red and white tie. He had a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses on, a pair of white and black oxfords and black socks with little white diamonds on them. He drove with a wide grin behind the wheel of a recently stolen silver Lincoln Town Car (the previous owner currently dead in the trunk, who hadn’t fully grasped the concept of borrowing.) Harley sat next to him, her arms wrapped around her puddin’s arm while he drove. Her make-up had a glamorous 1950’s vibe, her lips a shiny red to match Joker’s red lips. She was dressed all in white as well. She wore a white bohemian lace and tassel chiffon dress with a pair of thigh high white stiletto boots that had black heels and the toes were black complimenting Joker’s shoes and outfit. She had a little white leather jacket over the top and her hair was done up in two fishtail braids over her shoulders. She looked both sexy and innocent Joker thought, which made him want to hold her down and smear her lipstick with his lips and soil that innocent look by smearing his lipstick against her clitoris. He shifted his position a bit as the thought made his slacks a little uncomfortable, but his grin grew a little wider. 

They had plugged the address for BigDick234 into the GPS and headed out of Gotham. 

Joker frowned, slightly glancing over at Harley who had her head leaning against his shoulder. She had been fairly quiet since they found the car. She usually liked to sing when they were on car trips. Her voice was lovely, almost as nice as his singing voice and he enjoyed listening to her, but she had been quiet so far. 

“So my little winter angel, what are you thinking about so intently?” Joker asked as he drove with one hand on the wheel and a happy grin on his face, enjoying the feel of the car and his girl at his side. 

“Oh nothing pudding, just...you know Thanksgiving is coming up right?” 

Joker nodded. “Yes, and?” 

“Well I was just thinking puddin...you know Bruce Wayne, he has that big old house and he is alone for the holidays! His mother and father are dead, he ain’t married and all he has is that kid and a butler. Just seems sad to be mostly alone in that big old house for the holidays,” Harley said softly. “That big fancy house.” 

Joker narrowed his eyes, his body tensing as his hands on the wheel squeezed making the leather of his red gloves creak. “I don’t like you thinking about Bruce Wayne sweets. Who cares what the little rich boy has or hasn’t in that stupid house of his... 

Harley giggled and rested her chin on his shoulder gazing lovingly at his profile. She licked her lips taking in his long nose and red lips. “Are you jealous?” she asked with a hint of mischief. 

Joker glared straight ahead refusing to look at her. “No.” 

She smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek before placing another more lingering kiss at the corner of his mouth. She felt him relax a little, though she could tell he didn’t want to. She kissed the corner of his mouth again, the tip of her tongue teasing before she whispered. “Don’t be puddin, he is just a stupid rich guy. You are my handsome, evil genius clown, who is fantastic in the sheets and makes me laugh. You always make me laugh puddin.” Harley leaned up and licked his ear. She traced his ear with the tip of her tongue. “You’re the only one for me puddin.” 

Joker purred. “Mm...good.” He looked at her sideways for a moment before turning his gaze back to the road. “So, did you have a point about Bruce Wayne?” 

Harley laid her cheek back against his shoulder. “I don’t know puddin, I was thinking maybe we should help him out...give him a real family holiday.” 

Joker giggled. “Are you saying we should invite ourselves over for Thanksgiving dinner?” 

Harley shrugged. “Maybe...I don’t know...I was just thinking about it.” 

Joker turned to glance down at her, his smile spreading across his pale face. “That, my sweets, is a FANTASTIC idea!!! I love it!! Bob will love it too because I bet a place like that has a huge kitchen with all the fancy equipment his little tutu heart could stand! And that place is big enough we could play hide and seek!! Frost always loves hide and seek!” Joker laughed, patting his fingers on the steering wheel in excitement. “Oh, and how many bedrooms do you think a place like that has? I mean...we would have to try them all out, won’t we? I bet that boob Bruce Wayne hasn’t even been in half those rooms! It's a shame really.” 

Harley giggled. “You are such a perv! Try out all the beds?” 

Joker gave her an innocent look. “Well, you know it would be a hardship, but we would be doing Mr. Wayne a favor really…it would be terrible for him to someday have guests only to discover that the beds could not hold up to some vigorous fuckery!” 

Harley giggled and hugged his arm tightly. “So what are you suggesting Mistah J?” 

“I’m suggesting, my darling dumpling, that we should invite ourselves over for the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s our duty as citizens of Gotham to make sure that Gotham’s favorite billionaire has a fantastic holiday. It’ll be fun!” 

Harley squealed. “It’ll be perfect!” 

They looked at one another and said at the same time. “It will be the best Thanksgiving EVER!” 

They both laughed with Joker hitting the gas the car speeding forward like a predator. 

* 

Twenty minutes later Joker pulled up in front of a little ranch style home in a cul de sac. Joker and Harley parked along the curb and examined the house. 

“So, how you wanna do this puddin?” Harley asked, her eyes narrowed at the house. 

Joker grinned watching her. Harley’s eyes narrowed, her bottom lip sticking out slightly in her annoyance at the person who had insulted him. She looked adorable. 

“I say we just walk up and introduce ourselves. You know, be friendly and all,” Joker said softly. 

Harley turned and pouted. “Puddin, he called you a faggot.” 

Joker shrugged. “And a cock goblin...whatever that is....Who uses that kind of language Harley? I mean, what a vulgar cusser!” Joker put a hand to his chest and sniffed as if his feelings had been hurt. “I was just so insulted!” 

Harley nodded. “You should be insulted puddin! He’s the cockgoblin!” 

Joker nodded his agreement and added. “And he did accuse me of cheating.” Joker said with a pout. “I’ve never been accused of cheating, not even by the Batboob!” 

Harley nodded. “Yeah…” 

Joker smiled. “Shall we go show him that JokerMan never cheats?” 

Harley giggled. “Let’s!” 

* 

Sitting in the recliner in the middle of his living room, Chad Doogie sat, still his in work clothes from yesterday, staring at the screen of his television, a large flat screen that took up nearly the entire wall. He had two empty pizza boxes on the floor nearby and over a dozen empty beer cans littered around him. His girlfriend had called the television a waste of money and said that he cared more about his games than her. He had told that cunt that what he did with his money wasn’t any of her fucking business and to go make him a sandwich...she had instead taken a bat to his car windows. He had backhanded her and she had left that night. 

When he had gotten home from work yesterday, he came home to find she had moved out, taking everything with her but his recliner, the television and the game system...which he had been smart enough to take with him that morning to work (he had this sneaking suspicion she might come back to try something). Stupid bitch, he thought, he was surprised she hadn’t tried to destroy the television. She must have been in a hurry to take all his other shit and leave. 

But he found he didn’t care, he only needed his TV, the chair and a system, food, beer, everything else could be brought to him by delivery people. He grinned for only a moment wondering where that fucktard JokerMan was...he had been playing against that douche for several hours and suddenly after giving that asswipe his address, nothing. The dude had disappeared off the game. Chad grinned, probably some twelve year old crying to his mama. 

That was when there was a knock at his door. Chad frowned. He hadn’t ordered any food yet, so maybe it was that twat Cindy, his now ex-girlfriend. If that bitch thought she would come crawling back to him she had another thing coming. Cunts like her were a dime a dozen. 

Chad pushed himself out of his chair, tossing the game controller onto his seat and walked over to the door ready to let Cindy have it. 

Chad yanked open the door. “All right you cheap ass cunt, I…” His voice trailed off. 

Joker, with his arm around Harley, grinned. “BigDick234?” 

Chad looked confused when he saw a tall, thin man with chalk white skin in a white suit. He had green hair and red lips, leaning on a white and gold headed walking stick. Next to him stood a pretty woman in a short white dress and boots, her arm around the green haired man’s waist. For a moment Chad thought he should know who this man was, something about him was so familiar, but Chad was so confused by the man and woman’s presence on his doorstep that he didn’t know who they were or how to react and he didn’t see the gun pointed at his stomach. 

“Uh...yeah...whataya want?” Chad asked. 

Joker smiled. “Oh, did you forget me already? JokerMan?” 

Chad frowned then shook his head with a slow blink. “JokerMan from Call of Combat?” 

Joker smiled wide, and the grin seemed to envelope his entire face showing off far too many white teeth. “Yes, remember you dared me to come over? Well here I am. Hope you don’t mind, but I brought the little woman with me too.” 

Harley waved. “Hi!” 

Chad snorted in derision. “What, did I hurt your precious ego? Look, go fuck yourself. I got better things to do than mess with some jerk with a clown fetish.” 

Joker blinked several times and held the gun up higher to be sure that Chad could see it before turning to Harley. “Is my gun invisible or is he stupid? And did he just say clown fetish?” 

Harley frowned. “I think he might be stupid puddin and he did accuse you of having a clown fetish puddin. Though I suppose I’m the one with the clown fetish.” Harley giggled and pinched Joker’s rear. 

Joker yelped and laughed. “Oh you little minx!” 

Chad looked momentarily confused by the the two nutjobs on his front step and the gun. For a split second common sense and a sense of survival told him the weapon was real, but that thought was quickly replaced by his snide attitude and sense of superiority. “Haha, really funny JokerMan...good toy, you had me fooled for like a fucking second. Now get out and grow a pair and you can leave the whore here--how much she cost you, eh?” 

Joker’s smile dropped, his blue eyes which had been merry before were now flat, cold and deadly. He shoved the barrel of the gun under Chad’s chin and hissed. “You know, it’s rude to leave guests on the front stoop; why don’t you invite us in? Oh and just an FYI, don’t ever insult my girl or I’ll make you eat your balls.” This close Chad could smell the oil, metal and a scent that reminded him slightly of spent fireworks which was the moment he realized that the weapon was indeed real. 

Chad swallowed nervously. “I could scream.” 

Joker glanced sideways at Harley with a smirk. “Oh you could that is very true, but that won’t stop me from shooting you in such a way that you slowly bleed out in a great deal of pain before help actually comes.” 

Harley giggled and offered, “He can too! I’ve seen him do it.” 

“So....what’s your name again? I don’t really feel like calling you BigDick234 the whole time we’re visiting.” Joker grinned tapping Chad on the chin. 

Chad stuttered. Ch-chad.” 

Joker smiled. “Very good Chad. So, inviting us in?” 

Chad nodded numbly and stepped aside. 

Joker grinned. “Thank you darling.” 

Harley released Joker, letting him bring his walking cane up and use it to lightly push Chad out of the way before he walked ahead of Harley who gave Chad a grin. “Go on Dickus I’ll get the door.” 

Chad gave her a sour look. 

Joker muttered in his best Moe Howard voice. He muttered. “Why I oughta…” walking past Chad and into the apartment. 

Joker stopped in the middle of the living room looking around, his hand lazily swung his cane around as he gestured with the gun. “What the hell happened here, Chad? Nails still in the wall, no furniture, it smells like Killer Croc took a shit in here combined with Humpty Dumpty’s sweaty armpits and Grod’s wet monkey diaper smell.” He wrinkled his nose taking in the empty food containers, the empty beer cans, the lack of furniture or decorations. He turned around in a full circle, as he came back around Joker saw, laying on the seat of the recliner, was a game controller, but Joker could tell, it wasn’t just any game controller; it was fully modified, with all the bells and whistles that would make cheating at Call of Combat easy. 

Joker twisted his red lips as he tapped the controller with the end of his cane. “Now now Chad, what is this?” Joker hooked his cane over his gun arm and picked up the controller, wrinkling his nose. Harley had wandered into the kitchen opening cabinets and the fridge looking inside. She heard Joker and poked her head out to see what he had found. 

Chad hurried over and grabbed his precious controller not thinking that maybe grabbing something from the hands of a man with a gun was not the wisest thing he could do. Chad’s expression was sullen as he hissed. “It’s nothing.” 

Joker grinned, exchanging a knowing smile with Harley as she walked over to stand beside her puddin. 

“Oh I think we know what that is Chad, is that a modified controller?” Joker tilted his head with a smile. 

Chad looked quickly between Harley and Joker. “It’s not what you think!” 

Joker gasped placing the hand that held the gun against his chest. “Oh, I think it is what I think don’t you Harley dear?” 

Harley looked sad. “I do puddin, I do. 

Joker gasped. “And you accused me of cheating? When in fact it was you...and I still beat you? It’s all rather shocking I have to say, to be accused of cheating, by a cheater.” His voice which had been high, almost sing song, once more dropped to low and sinister. “To be called such awful names too. Harls, weren’t my feelings hurt?” 

“Oh they were puddin, they were, you hurt my puddin’s feelings Chad...that makes me very angry.” Harley narrowed her eyes. 

Joker chuckled. “And you know how women are when they’re angry, don’t you Chad?” 

Harley dropped her hands to rest on her hips, but she bumped Joker with her hip when he made the remark about women being angry, giving Joker a hard and narrow-eyed glare. 

Joker pouted. “Sorry sweets, forgive me pumpkin pie?” 

Harley glared then smiled. “All right, I forgive you!” 

She made a high pitched squeal of happiness and threw herself at Joker who caught her and swung her around forcing Chad to take several steps back or her boots would have hit him in the face. He watch in confusion as the two bizarre people kissed, the kiss quickly turning into something nearly pornographic as he watched their tongues play against one another, with the green haired man reaching under the blonde’s dress to grab her ass. Chad was surprised to see the woman was wearing only a thong under the dress. He tried not to stare, but the way she was grinding against the man, and the way he was sliding his gloved fingers under her thong...well, it was hard not to watch. 

Joker grabbed Harley’s bottom lip between his teeth, tugging just enough to cause her a little discomfort that promised more pleasure at the same time. He eased his hands out from under her dress. Harley stared back at him as if she wanted to eat him alive, which Joker found to be a very appealing thought, but they still had work to do. 

He released her lips with a growl. “Mm...later Harls. Right now Daddy needs to finish his conversation.” 

Harley sighed and pouted dramatically. “Fine.” She turned around and glared at Chad. 

Chad swallowed, his eyes darting from Joker to Harley. “Look man, I’m...uh...I’m sorry man. You know my girlfriend left me and I’ve been a bit out of sorts and shit.” 

Joker stuck his bottom lip out. “Did you hear that Harls, girl problems.” 

Harley nodded. “That’s really sad, everyone should have a boo.” 

Joker chuckled. “That’s true my dear, that’s very true. So, I’m sorry you’re having girl problems darling, might have something to do with that personality you’re saddled with...BUT lucky for you, I have just the cure!!!” 

Joker laughed. 

Harley giggled. 

Chad was only now beginning to realize that his situation was dire. 

“Ah…” Chad took a step back. 

Joker smiled. “Oh, you can run if you want darling--I’ll catch up, don’t worry.” 

Chad gasped, dropping his controller and ran...down the hall. 

Harley frowned looking confused. “Where does he think he is going?” 

Joker shrugged. “No idea.” 

* 

Chad ran to his bedroom. He had a gun he had bought just because he thought it had looked cool. He liked guns, but it was between spending money on his gaming or the weapons and gaming always won. Still, he had managed to save up and buy himself a pistol and a few boxes of ammunition. He kept it under his bed in a plastic box. Chad ran into his bedroom and stopped short. Everything was gone, his bed, the furniture, his posters, clothing...and his gun. That cunt Cindy took everything, Chad remembered...she really had taken every last thing… 

“Oh fuck!” Chad blurted, but that was when he heard a smooth voice sounding almost like a caress. “Such language!” 

Chad turned to see Joker and Harley standing behind him. He opened his mouth to scream when Harley’s fist snapped out, hitting him square in the face. Chad crumpled to the floor. 

Joker giggled. “Oh Harley, that was a really gorgeous punch! I think you broke his nose!” 

Harley giggled and looked from her knuckles to the lump on the floor named Chad. “Thank you puddin.” 

Joker hooked his cane on his arm again and reached out to take her face with his hand and kiss her. “You really are a treasure, my sweets.” 

Harley blushed and giggled. “Oh puddin.” 

Joker rubbed the tip of his nose against hers before he let her go. “Here my dear, would you take my cane and gun while I drag this massive waste of space back into the living room?” 

* 

When Chad woke up his face and head were killing him. He squeezed his eyes shut, grumbling to himself. “Fucking shitheaded piece of...of...shit!” 

Chad opened his eyes only now realizing that the room was dark except that his television was on and the start up screen for Call of Combat was on. As he looked down at himself, he realized that he was also duct taped to his chair, his hands were forward and his controller was taped to his hand, the only part of him that was loose was his head, and the fingers he would need to manipulate the controller. 

Chad looked around in a panic. “Hello?” 

“Hello Chad.” The green haired man from earlier stepped out of the darkness and shadows, his girlfriend at his side. “I thought, you know, I could simply shoot you and be done with this, but then I had a brilliant idea!!” 

Harley giggled. “It is brilliant! Just wait ‘til you hear it!” She turned to Joker and patted his arm. “Go on puddin,” she urged him. 

Joker grinned at her. “As I was saying, a brilliant idea. You see, while you were taking your nap, I put a little bomb in your controller.” 

Chad made a sound between a squeak and a cry. Joker frowned at him. “Now do be quiet and listen up. There is a bomb in your precious modified controller. Now, as long as you play an honest game and keep winning, nothing will happen. You can do your bestest to convince someone that you are in danger and maybe, just maybe, someone might come by to see if you need help. But here is the really FUN part...as long as you keep winning, you’ll stay alive, but the moment you lose...and here is the best part...the moment you cheat to win...the little bomb in your controller will go off. BOOM!!” Joker threw his arms up in the air and laughed along with Harley. “Now…” Joker continued. “You might get lucky and the bomb will only blow off your hands, or you might be unlucky and it blows off your hands and part of your face, stomach and chest...or maybe just your hands and stomach...or hands and face, the possible combinations are simply staggering! So, anyway I’m rambling now. So sorry Chad.” Joker patted Chad’s knee. “The point is...cheat...you are going to be sorry...losing gives you the same option.” Joker smiled pleasantly and walked over to tap the tv screen. “I also set up a camera, live stream so everyone can watch you play.” Joker chuckled then took a deep breath and let it out. 

“Well, as much as I would love to see what happens, my beautiful girl and I have some things to do before Thanksgiving, so you have fun!” 

Joker put his arm out and Harley hooked her arm through his, Joker leading her back into the shadows of the room. 

Chad screamed. “NO!! Stop!! Let me go please!! I’m sorry about what I said!!! Who are you?? Why are you doing this??!!!” 

Chad heard nothing. 

The game started without him touching any of the buttons, his eyes widening in panic. He started to play, his entire body trembling when Joker’s face suddenly popped back into view. Chad screamed, which only made Joker laugh. 

“Sorry darling, I almost forgot something.” Joker rolled his fingers and a playing card appeared between his gloved fingers. He smiled showing Chad that it was a joker card. “Just so when they find your body, they know who it was. You should feel special Chad, I don’t usually leave Gotham to look for victims, but you my friend, are a special case. Good luck.” 

Joker slipped the card into the front of Chad’s pants, patting him on the belly before disappearing again. 

Chad began to scream. 

Joker came back out onto the porch where Harley was waiting for him. 

“Ready puddin?” she asked taking his arm again. 

“Yes my dear, back to Gotham to plan for the holiday!” Joker smiled brightly and walked Harley to the car. He opened the car door for her, putting her inside before he came around to the driver’s side of the car. They could both still hear Chad’s muffled screams from inside the house. 

Harley made a face. “He isn’t going to last long if he keeps that up,” she observed. 

Joker laughed and started the car. “Ah well, guess he should have thought about that before he shot his mouth off. People really need to learn to be polite on and off line...sure is a travesty.” 

He pulled the car away from the house. They made it to the stop sign at the end of the block and just began to turn when they both heard the explosion, the bright flash of light filled the rearview. Harley turned around to look and giggled. 

“Yep, didn’t last long.” 

Joker simply laughed. 

* 

Harley put her feet up on the dash as Joker drove while the sound of Dean Martin’s voice filled the cab singing “You're Nobody till Somebody Loves You.” Joker smiled singing along with the song, swaying as he drove, his elbow out the window letting the cool air into the car. 

Harley tapped her foot against the dash in time to the rhythm. Joker, his cigarette burning lazily between his fingers as he drove, kept glancing over to see her dress had fallen away to reveal her legs. She moved, swaying in her seat to the song. 

Joker flicked his cigarette out the window, rolled it back up before he reached over and laid his hand on her thigh. 

Harley glanced over at him with a grin. She picked up his hand and slowly, her eyes never leaving his face, pulled his glove off exposing the long tapered fingers, his nails perfectly trimmed. She tossed the glove onto the dash of their stolen car. She held his hand in both of her hands pressing her thumbs into the palm of his hand, then slid them up slowly. 

“Need a pick me up Mistah J?” she asked in a sultry voice. 

Joker grinned his blue eyes twinkling as he replied. “Well, it is a long drive.” 

Harley giggled and caressed his fingers before she brought his hand closer. She loved the look of his fingers, so long and elegant, white like fresh snow, his nails a red so deep that it looked black. She slowly kissed the tip of each of his fingers, her eyes never leaving his face. 

Joker glanced at the road then back at her before he tugged his hand gently free from her grasp. He reached out and caressed her cheek, slowly he dragged the pad of his thumb over her lips. 

Harley opened her mouth, her lips brushing against his thumb before she kissed the pad of his thumb. Joker smiled at her and dragged his thumb down over her bottom lip, tugging down on the plump red lip, his slacks tightening as his erection swelled. 

Harley wrapped her hands around his hand and slowly slid her lips around his thumb. 

Joker licked his lips, his gaze alternating between watching the road and watching her, making a soft groan when she began to suck on his thumb. “Uhmmm...Harley…” 

She grinned, fluttering her eyes as she sucked his thumb deep in her mouth then slowly pressed her lips down on his thumb. She dragged her lips, teeth and tongue along his thumb, sucking the entire time before she switched fingers, sliding his long middle finger into her mouth, sucking the entire finger into her mouth before pulling her lips along the length of his finger. 

She kissed his finger and smiled. “Want me to do that for reals puddin?” 

Joker grinned, his smile showing all his teeth. “Yes.” 

Harley giggled, shifting onto her knees before she reached over to unfasten the buttons of his jacket. She smiled at him, sliding her fingers along his chest down to the buttons of his vest. Joker leaned back watching the road though he occasionally looked down at what she was doing as she pulled his dress shirt free of his slacks, undoing a few of the buttons before running her hand over his pale stomach. His skin goosebumped at her touch before she dropped her hands down to open his slacks, peeling back the material and sliding his straining erection out of his boxers. Joker shifted a little in his seat and hit a button, allowing his seat to move back, giving them more room and letting Harley pull his slacks down a little more before she wrapped a hand around him. He groaned loudly at her touch, delighting in the feel of her cool fingers wrapped around him. Harley leaned down and wrapped her mouth around him, her tongue sliding against the warm skin of his erection, one of her hands pressing against his thigh sliding down to grip his knee as she bobbed her head, sucking deeply, keeping her movements slow. 

Joker groaned loudly again, grabbing the steering wheel tightly with both hands, resisting the urge to lie back and close his eyes, though he leaned back as far as he could against the seat, his legs spread as wide as the car would allow. Harley’s head bumped into his arms as she moved her mouth up and down sucking on him diving down deep, taking him all in until her lips brushed against him eliciting another deep groan of pleasure. The wet sounds of her sucking and licking combined with the feel of her mouth, warm and wet, her lips adding just the right amount of pressure, her tongue sliding back and forth slowly...god her tongue he thought. He raised his arms a little positioning his hands on the top of the wheel so as not to keep bumping her head, glancing down at her. Her braids had fallen forward, the silk of her hair brushed against his stomach where she had pulled his shirt up, tickling along his leg. She lowered her mouth down, all the way down again until his member was practically touching the back of her throat. 

Joker’s eyes rolled, the sensation made him suck in a breath, his knuckles bloodless where he gripped the wheel. He reached down and laid a hand on her head, his fingers caressing her hair before his fingers traveled along her spine where her dress had fallen forward. He swallowed glancing over at her rear up in the air, reaching over to caress the smooth skin of her backside with a smile. His beautiful girl he thought. Harley moved her head slowly up and down, her lips pressed around him... 

“Uuh...Harley…” He moaned, and his fingers slid back to caress the back of her neck. 

A truck drove by, just as Harley shifted, her head momentarily coming into view. Her rear end was up in the air, her dress having slipped down exposing her bare behind and just a little of the thong she wore in plain view of her window. The driver of a pick-up truck named Tom, glanced over and suddenly he was yelling in surprise and grabbing the steering wheel of his truck with two hands as the sight of a young woman’s beautiful behind filled the window of the car next to him. He got his truck under control, steadying his truck and glanced over again. Not only was some young woman’s behind in the air, but it was pretty clear what she was doing to the man driving who looked to be enjoying himself. 

Tom grinned and muttered. “Lucky bastard.” 

He hit his horn with a chuckle, giving it a few good hard pushes before he glanced over with a leering grin. The man driving the car next to him...who Tom thought looked too pale and his hair? What color was that? Green he wondered before he shook his head. Whatever, he didn’t care. Instead Tom gave the man a thumbs up pointing at the girl first, then at the driver. The man behind the wheel laughed. He looked to be reaching for something in his jacket. Tom frowned, glancing back over to the road before he looked again at the man getting a blowjob, Tom yelped in surprise again when the man getting a blowjob pulled out a pistol and aimed it directly at him, the girl not once stopping what she was doing. The pale man with the gun grinned. 

Tom sped up. “Fuck that,” he muttered. “I’ll just go rent some porn.” 

* 

Harley giggled twirling her tongue around the head of his erection, licking at the slight taste of cum on the tip of his penis. She flicked the tip of her tongue along the small opening, teasing him before she dived down once more sucking him deep into her mouth, her fingers pressing into his knee or his thigh. Joker felt her giggle vibrate up from his erection, causing him to momentarily lose control of the car. His breath quickened as Harley continued her attentions. 

He groaned loudly nearly dropping the pistol as he slipped it back into its holster under his arm. “Harley...Harls…” 

He was so close; his shaft ached when she stopped. Joker gasped softly as she suddenly sat up. He frowned glancing over at her about to ask her what was wrong when she slipped out of her jacket and yanked her dress over her head to reveal that she was only wearing the thong under the dress. He grinned when he saw her, naked except for the thong and boots. She gave him a playful wink and laid back in her seat, putting her feet against the windshield as she shimmied out of her thong. Joker swallowed watching her and wishing the windows of this stupid car were tinted because he didn’t like to share. 

“Harley, what are you doing? Not that I don’t enjoy the view, but…I do very much like your boots.” Joker chuckled, his eyes darting from the road to his naked girl. 

Harley rose on her knees again next to him and purred. “Make sure that chair goes as far back as it can.” 

Joker looked at her, then the road, his grin wide as he pushed the seat back to its full extent before raising his arm. “Come here you little minx!” 

Harley giggled and slid over, straddling his lap. 

Joker looked around her to keep the car going straight and doing his best not to hit anyone (not that he really cared if he did, but he didn’t want to hurt his pumpkin or ruin their fun). 

Harley adjusted, reaching down to hold him steady before she lowered herself down on him with a long, low moan as his erection slid into her, filling her. She placed her hands on his shoulders and began to move. She ground her pelvis against him, spreading her legs as wide as the seating space would allow, seating her left booted foot against the hard plastic that ran between the seats which served to give her more leverage. She thrust her hips forward, both of them groaning with the pleasure, her rear bumped the steering wheel, but Joker held onto the wheel tightly, his ungloved hand cupping her backside as her thrusting gained more vigor. 

Joker wrapped one arm around her, his other hand tight on the steering wheel; all he could do was barely keep the car going straight while Harley bounced up and down mixed in with some deep hard grinding. He groaned, holding her close, biting into her shoulders as his blue eyes focused on the road, though it was incredibly difficult, as he wanted to focus on her. He risked leaning down to lick the nipple of one breast that kept bouncing against his face, and the car started to drift into the other lane. A car’s horn brought his attention back to the road. 

Harley gasped, orgasming with enough intensity that her entire body stiffened. She arched back a little, Joker pulling her forward to prevent her from leaning on the steering wheel. She moaned loudly. “Uh, Mistah J!!” 

Joker purred. “My girl…” 

She took a shuddering breath and began bouncing and grinding harder, her entire body on fire. She hissed, wanting, needing more as she thrust her hips forward crying out with each thrust. 

Joker’s groan was half pain and pleasure. The pain from his need to fuck her, he wanted to meet her thrusts with his own, but driving was preventing that and Harley was killing him with the way she was bouncing on him. 

Harley pushed back and arched her body, she moved sideways, her torso covering half the wheel as she laid back against the dash, the dim sunlight through the windshield dancing across her skin, her breasts jiggled as she bounced against him. 

Joker sucked in his bottom lip, pressing his teeth down hard, watching her and the road. He switched hands on the wheel and reached down to rub his thumb against her clitoris. Harley moaned, her body writhing. That was it...He pulled her back against him, wrapping his arm tight around her waist as he gripped the steering wheel and with one hand and the screech of tires, Joker swung the car to the side. 

Harley yelped in surprise wrapping her arms tight around him while Joker swung the car off the road and onto the shoulder where he slammed on the brakes and shifted the car into park. He then popped the seat back until the car seat was almost flat. 

He was breathing heavily, with a breathy moan. “All right Harley, fuck me.” 

Harley grinned wickedly laying her hands on his stomach and pushing his shirt up, caressing his chest and stomach as she began to ride him, grinding her hips down on him, thrusting and squeezing with complete abandon. 

Joker rested one hand on her bent knee occasionally sliding down across her booted calf, the other on her thigh, watching her, feeling her move. 

He moaned thrusting his hips up to meet her grinding bounces. His breathing intensified watching her as she ground him down into the seat. 

“Uh...Harley, my Harley.” He almost whimpered. 

Harley looked down at him, her hands on his abdomen, his suit a mess and his hair a mess, his tie tossed over his shoulder. He looked so sexy and felt so good. It felt like her entire body squeezed him, held him, pressing him deeply into her until she arched again, her cry loud. She moved her hands to the ceiling of the car and thrust into her orgasm, pressing him as deeply into her she could crushing his thrusts with her own, making Joker take everything she gave. She moved so hard and fast that the car shook slightly. 

Joker cried out, her fingers spasming as he struggled to hold on, but she had practically ripped his orgasm from him, giving him no choice but to climax for her. He felt as if he would never stop, never stop floating with her. His body quaked as Harley continued to move and he could do nothing to stop her. He groaned and smiled broadly as she used him. 

Harley gasped when she felt her Joker orgasm, but she couldn’t seem to stop moving. He felt so good, her orgasm was so deep, so good she couldn’t let it go until finally, it was as if she had reached the peak of a mountain and began a joyful tumble down the other side until she reached the bottom and simply collapsed. 

She flopped down against him, letting out a groan of exhaustion. 

Joker closed his eyes and held her, wrapping is arms tight around her. “Mm...you are such a bad girl Harley.” He smiled contentedly as he whispered. “I love you pumpkin pie.” 

She giggled and nuzzled his throat, feeling as if her entire body was loose, relaxed. She didn’t want to move. She wanted to stay like this with her Joker forever; the thought made her nuzzle deeper against his throat, placing soft, tender kisses on his neck. “I love you puddin.” 

Joker stroked her back gently, the tips of his fingers gliding along her spine. The sensation was made a little strange by the fact he was wearing only one glove. After what didn’t seem nearly long enough Joker whispered. “We should get back to Gotham sweets before some traffic cop gets too curious about a car on the side of the road.” 

Harley giggled. “Mm...I suppose you’re right, and we have a Thanksgiving day to plan.” 

Joker nodded continuing his lazy tracing of her spine. “Yes, we do have a dinner to plan.” 

* 

Thanksgiving morning was overcast, the light was grey, and a light drizzle made everything soggy. Bruce Wayne sighed as he laid in bed on his stomach, the other side of his bed cold; Selina Kyle, Catwoman, once more gone before the day’s first light. He frowned. He had asked her to stay for dinner, but she hadn’t given him an answer. He sighed again. Not being here must be her answer. He tried not to take it personally, he didn’t know about her life outside of their rooftop meetings, only bits and pieces...he resisted sighing again and sat up. Already he could smell roasted turkey. 

Alfred he thought with a tiny grin tugging at his lips. 

* 

Bruce made his way downstairs dressed in a black suit and tie, looking crisp and alert. He walked past the living room to see Dick, dressed in a suit similar to Bruce’s, and Barbara wearing a bright green skirt and black turtleneck. They were sitting on the couch together watching the parade in downtown Gotham. Barbara was spending the holiday with them as her parents were on a holiday trip together and her uncle was working (though Barbara was going to head over to the precinct later with a plate for him). Bruce smirked as he watched a Batman float on the screen. He sighed, he had remembered when the proposal for the float had been made, he had been on the parade committee at the time and did his best to vote it down, but, clearly, he had lost. 

Dick giggled pointing at the screen. “Looks just like him.” 

Barbara laughed taking a sip of her juice that Alfred had served her in a wine glass. “Has the same chin and slightly angry expression.” 

Dick held a arm up to his face covering his eyes. “I am the night and I am going to kick your ass.” 

Barbara laughed. “Oh my god, you have the voice down!” 

“Not quite, needs to be a little deeper,” Bruce observed with a slight chuckle. 

Dick and Barbara both yelped in surprise turning around to look over the back of the couch at Bruce.. 

Dick looked sheepish as he mumbled. “I didn’t hear you.” 

Bruce grinned. “I know. Is Alfred in the kitchen?” 

Dick nodded. “He has opera playing.” The young man made a face. 

Barbara smiled. “He chased us out of the kitchen.” 

Bruce nodded. “I’ll go sneak a peek.” 

Dick, his attention back on the parade, called back. “Be careful--you know how he is when he’s cooking!” 

Bruce chuckled and followed the scent of roasted turkey, and a hint of what Bruce was sure were leeks and potato gratin and who knew what else. 

Bruce walked through the entryway on his way toward the kitchen when there was a knock on the front door. He stopped with a frown on his face and looked toward the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone today. 

Bruce opened the door and was immediately hit in the face with some sort of spray that made him think of circus cotton candy...and then nothingness. 

* 

When Bruce Wayne regained consciousness, he realized immediately that he was duct taped to a chair. He didn’t struggle yet, did his best to stay calm and very slowly open his eyes just enough that he could see through his lashes. He scanned the room and saw that he was still in his own house and he appeared to be duct taped to his chair in the dining room. As he looked around, he saw that Barbara, Dick and Alfred were also duct taped to chairs. They all looked relatively unharmed, though they were still unconscious. He could hear music playing...Nat King Cole? He tried not to frown when he heard a voice, but it was the laugh that told him everything he needed to know. 

The sounds of Nat King Cole singing “L.O.V.E” filled the dining room as Joker, wearing a dark brown pin striped suit with a forest green vest and golden orange tie, with matching brown and gold oxfords, danced around the dining room table with Harley in his arms. She actually looked lovely Bruce realized, wearing a 1950’s inspired black tea dress which was covered in red poppies, with cap sleeves and crinoline petticoat under the skirt to make it nice and fluffy. Her blonde hair was loose with just the top pulled back and held in place by a red ribbon and she wore a pair of 1950’s inspired red, peep toe heels. 

Bruce watched as the two clowns danced around the dining room, their eyes only on each other. 

Joker spun Harley out and into his arms again with her back against his chest. They giggled and looked at each other all smiles, wearing matching red lipstick swaying back and forth to the song. Joker spun her back out, gently turning to face her as he took her other hand. Giggling, they stepped just past one another before stepping close again, facing each other. Joker lifted her arms into the air with his, stepping almost right up against each other before stepping back again, both of them sharing a look as if there were no one else in the room. Joker released her hands to draw his fingertips along her figure and down to her hips, causing some whistles from the audience. 

That was also when Bruce heard applause. He frowned turning his head slightly...he recognized Joker’s right hand man, Jonny Frost, dressed in a navy blue suit standing at the end of the room with what looked like Joker’s entire gang. Each of the men and women were dressed up in suits or dresses, everything looking as if the group had just arrived from the set of a 1950’s era show. 

What on earth was going on? Were they here to rob him? Kill him? Bruce wondered. If they were, this was the oddest way to go about it...but then again, this was the Joker. 

Bruce turned his attention back to the clowns as they were once more side stepping to the music, their hands intertwined, her other hand on his shoulder, his on her waist. They looked almost like a newly wedded couple performing their first dance. 

Joker swayed with Harley, bringing her closer to Bruce, as the song came to an end Joker pulled Harley against him before he lifted her up, wrapping his arms under her rear and giggled, dancing around the room with her as Harley threw her arms out and leaned back a little laughing along with him. 

Joker’s gang applauded. 

Joker laughed, gently placing Harley back on her feet and the two clowns bowed. 

“Thank you, thank you!” Joker smiled, showing all his very white, very straight teeth. “You are just too kind.” 

Harley giggled and wrapped her arms around his waist lifting one leg which caused her dress to fluff. “You are such a great dancer Mistah J!” 

Joker grinned at her, his arm going around her waist. “What can I say? I’m talented.” 

Harley giggled some more before she planted a kiss on his cheek. Joker wrapped his other arm around her waist and kissed her soundly on the lips before he walked her over to where Bruce was taped to his chair. He lifted Harley up by her waist and set her down on the edge of the table before hopping up to sit beside her right next to Bruce Wayne’s chair. He crossed his legs elegantly, putting one arm around Harley’s waist, yanking her right up against him before he looked at Bruce. 

Joker reached over and tapped Bruce on the head with one long finger. “You can stop pretending, I know you’re awake.” 

Bruce opened his eyes glaring at the clown. “Take whatever you want and leave.” 

Joker pouted, sticking his bottom lip out in exaggeration. “Leave? But Brucie love, we came to have Thanksgiving with you!! My sweet girl here…” He smiled at Harley giving her waist a squeeze in addition to giving her a kiss on the cheek. “She was just saying how sad it must be for you to spend Thanksgiving in this big old house all alone...with your parents dead and all.” Joker stuck his bottom lip out ridiculously far. “With only a little boy to keep you company.” Joker glanced over at Dick who had just begun to come awake, along with Barbara and Alfred. 

Joker smiled. “Though I was surprised to see the commissioner’s niece here.” 

Harley giggled. “Tell me Brucie, is she sweet on you or the adopted kid there because that would be such a romantic little story! Don’t you agree puddin?” 

Joker made a face. “Eww, Harley.” 

She giggled as Joker turned his attention back to Bruce. “So as I was saying, Harley thought it was sad, so we decided to come have dinner with you!! Isn’t that great! AND on top of that we are giving your major domo there a break too by bringing our own super chef BOB!!” 

All the members of Joker’s gang applauded. 

Alfred, now fully awake, looked appalled. 

“So Brucie my darling, you just sit there and enjoy yourself.” Joker grinned. “You let your old Uncle Joker take care of everything.” 

Bruce snarled. “Don’t you touch...” 

Joker frowned at him before he bopped him on the nose with his finger. “Bruce, really, it’s the holiday--please be good! Watch your tone!” 

Joker jumped off the table turning to put his hands on Harley’s waist and lift her up. “Why don’t you go put some music on, something light, maybe something classical or some nice jazz and I’ll go see how dinner is coming along.” He kissed Harley on the cheek. “You keep Mr. Wayne and the others entertained and I’ll be right back.” 

Harley blushed and giggled. “Sure thing Mistah J!” 

Joker grinned and sauntered off. 

* 

Joker arrived in the kitchen just as Bob, wearing a pair of flower printed oven mitts, had pulled the turkey from the oven. 

“Oh Bob!! That smells divine! Oh and it looks pretty!! Nice and golden!” Joker grinned as he stepped closer, clapping his hands. 

Bob was dressed in a dark orange t-shirt and tights, orange high tops with a brown, yellow and orange tutu had a little white apron on over his torso and a large white chef’s hat sat on his bald head. The large man grinned from ear to ear when he saw Joker. He set the turkey down and raced over wrapping his arms around Joker and lifting the Crown Prince of Crime off his feet in a bear hug. 

Joker laughed. “Happy Turkey day to you too!” 

Bob set him down and put his arms out showing the vast spread he had just finished cooking. Bob had even included some of the dishes that Bruce Wayne’s butler had finished. 

Joker grinned. “So, everything’s ready?” 

Bob nodded happily. 

Joker hurried over to the doorway and at the top of his lungs announced. “SET THE TABLE BOYS!” 

* 

In the dining room Bruce glared at Harley. She had changed the music to some light jazz and had come back to sit on the table near him, clearly making sure Bruce didn’t try anything. 

“Dr. Quinzel, please, you don’t have to do this.” 

Harley gave Bruce a narrow-eyed glare. “Do what, have a nice dinner? And don’t call me Dr. Quinzel.” 

Bruce frowned. “You could stop this, you could turn a new leaf. You had a career, a life, but then you let that...clown, ruin…” he was stopped from saying anything more as 

Harley put her finger against his lips. “Now Brucie, we came here as a favor because I felt sorry for you and my puddin has a big heart. Don’t make me regret that, okay?” 

Barbara spoke up. “What on earth do you see in that...man anyway?” 

Harley smiled dreamily. “He makes me laugh.” 

Dick snorted. 

That was the moment that Joker’s voice could be heard from the kitchen. “SET THE TABLE BOYS!” 

Harley squeaked and jumped down. “Hey Brucie, where’re the dishes?” She looked over at Alfred. “I bet you would know right? Oh and wine, I bet you got some good stuff!” 

For a moment Bruce considered being difficult, of refusing to tell her where anything was, but he knew that not only would that simply make things difficult, there was a good chance she or Joker or any of his gang could start hurting the people he cared about. He looked to Dick, Barbara and Alfred. Alfred was looking toward Bruce for guidance while Dick and Barbara were both looking like they wanted to kick some ass. 

Bruce sighed and nodded to Alfred. 

Alfred nodded back before he turned his attention to Harley. “The good dishes that are used for holidays and other special occasions are in that cabinet over there, the silverware in the drawers below. Please--it is very old and has been in the Wayne family for a very long time. You will find wine glasses in the kitchen and I have the wine I planned on using with dinner in there as well. Though I am not sure it will go well with whatever your man Bob has in mind for dinner.” 

Harley smiled at Alfred. “Oh, you’ll be surprised. Bob is a great cook and don’t worry Jervis, we’ll treat those dishes like our own. Okay boys, dishes!” 

Alfred sighed. “I was afraid it would be something like that.” 

The next few minutes were both tense and, if Bruce was willing to entertain the idea, humorous, as Harley Quinn, with the help of several members of their gang, set the table while taking directions from Alfred on how to set everything, which forks were which, where to set the plates, the glasses and how to set up the candles. 

The members of Joker’s gang followed Alfred’s instructions with only a few mishaps. Once the settings were in place Harley shouted toward the kitchen. 

“ALL SET PUDDIN!! BRING IT OUT!” 

Harley grinned and took a seat next to Barbara and between Bruce. She motioned at two of her gang members. “Hey guys move the Wayne group over here and you all sit over there.” 

Bruce watched as Dick and Alfred, taped to their chairs firmly, were lifted and moved so that they were all lined on one side. Dick struggled against his bonds, but Alfred remained calm. 

A few seconds later, Joker came in carrying the turkey, a huge smile on his face. Bob followed behind him carrying a couple of the dishes, the smell of which was delightful despite Bruce’s assumption that whatever Joker was doing would be a disaster. As the food was placed on the table he had to admit, it looked good. The entire gang ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the sight of the turkey and clapped their hands. 

Joker grinned setting the bird down. “Bingo, Ralf, go help Bob bring in everything. Oh and Alfred dear, where is the corkscrew for the wine? I couldn’t find it.” 

Two men jumped up following Bob. 

Alfred sighed. “Second drawer next to the refrigerator.” 

Joker motioned at a young woman in his gang with pink hair. “Cherry dear, would you mind?” 

“Sure thing Joker sir!” The diminutive woman ran off following Bingo and Ralf. 

Joker came over and kissed Harley again. “Oh look, I love how you set the table dearest.” 

Harley beamed. “Ah thank you puddin.” 

“And you put all the hosts on this side, with us. How darling!” Joker cooed holding her face with one hand and kissed her again, but this time both of them making over the top duck lips at each other. 

Bruce frowned at Joker motioning with his hands. “How do you expect us to eat?” 

Joker laughed and leaned over, kissing Bruce on the cheek. “Oh silly! Harley and I are going to feed you. I’ll feed you, Harley will feed Babs, Bob gets Alfred, Frost there will feed your little clone there, Bruce Jr!” 

Dick muttered. “It’s Dick.” 

Joker frowned at Dick. “You poor dear.” Joker shook his head sadly. “Your parents must have really hated you.” He smiled. “Though I suppose it's a good thing they’re dead then!” (Dick made an incomprehensible noise which Joker completely ignored.) “Anyway Brucie, don’t you worry, we have everything covered! You just enjoy having a full house for dinner this year! Now, let's open the wine and dig in!!” 

* 

The dinner was surprisingly civil, given the situation, Bruce groused. Joker carefully fed Bruce (who had thought about refusing, but again didn’t see this as a wise decision at the moment and for some reason he truly didn’t think Joker had poisoned the food) while cracking horrible dad-like jokes during the meal. 

“Why did the band hire the turkey as a drummer?” Joker asked, his blue eyes dancing with merriment. 

Bruce glared at him, but Harley asked. “Why puddin?” 

“Because he came with drumsticks!” Joker laughed as did everyone at the table except Bruce and his family. 

Joker wiped a tear away. “Okay I have another Bruce. Why can’t you take a turkey to church?” 

Bruce continued to glare at him. 

Joker held up a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “Come on Brucie...you know you wanna know…” He teased Bruce with the spoon, rubbing the white goop against Bruce’s closed lips. “Come on, you wanna know…” 

Dick spoke up after swallowing a bite from Frost. “Okay, I wanna know.” 

Joker laughed. “Good boy! Why can’t you take a turkey to church? Because he uses FOUL language!!” 

Everyone laughed...including Dick who tried not to, but his attempts to muffle his giggles failed. Joker grinned with delight before turning his gaze to Bruce. “Aren’t you glad we came Brucie? Isn’t this nice?” 

Bruce said evenly, “Would be nicer if I wasn’t taped to a chair.” 

Joker patted his cheek. “Oh you are so silly. Now, who wants dessert? And after dessert, we can play games and have some face painting!! Oh and selfies!!” 

* 

Selina had meant to arrive at Wayne Manor earlier, much earlier, but once she had gone home to shower and dress, a few things had needed her attention, but she had finally been able to break away and hurried over to Bruce’s place. She hoped Bruce wasn’t too upset with her for being so late. When she arrived at the front door wearing a snug black dress and carrying a six pack of beer, she frowned. The door to the manor was partly open. Selina didn’t move for a moment, listening. She could hear voices...maybe Bruce had simply forgotten to close the door...for some reason. Selina didn’t like it. Bruce--Batman--wasn’t neglectful like that...she toed the door open with her shoe and slipped inside without a sound. 

She moved into the hall and stood, listening. She heard voices again. She moved silently, following the voices into the living room, then turned toward the dining room. She looked around the corner and stopped cold. 

There she could see Bruce, along with the others, Dick, Barbara and Alfred, all taped to chairs, the remains of a large thanksgiving meal spread out on the table, along with several dirty plates and glasses, but what had her stifling giggles was that Bruce and the others had been left taped to chairs, but with painted faces...clown faces and painted across one wall, across several paintings and the wall paper was “Happy Thanksgiving, Love Joker and Harley!!” 

“Oh Bruce, what happened?” Selina covered her smile. 

Bruce sighed. “The Joker happened.” 

* 

The next morning the Gotham Gazette ran with a headline: 

“The Joker spends Thanksgiving with Bruce Wayne.” 

The article featured several images provided to the paper by The Joker himself. 

Bruce Wayne was at home sipping at his coffee in his bathroom when he received a call from Selina. 

“Bruce, go to the Gotham Gazette web page now.” 

Bruce frowned. “What’s wrong?” 

Selina was doing her best not to giggle and failing. “Just go look,” she urged him. 

Bruce pulled up the lid of his laptop and put in the paper on the search. He clicked the link and was rewarded with a bright image of himself in clown makeup, his face pressed up against a grinning Joker who was holding two fingers behind Bruce’s head with the caption: Best Friends? 

Bruce groaned. “I hate that clown.”


	3. Christmas

“Christmas Tree! Christmas Tree!!” 

The bed bounced up and down, the mattress making the terrible squeak that Joker only enjoyed when he was having some intimate fun with Harley. Right now though, the constant squeaking along with the chanting was more than slightly annoying. But he grinned behind his sleeping mask as the bouncing and chanting continued, now with shoulders kisses and hands on his hips shifting him back and forth in an attempt to wake him up. He wasn’t going to wait much longer before he took his mask off; he wasn’t going to miss a chance to watch Harley in her little sports bra and boxers, her breasts bouncing...just another second or two... 

Joker didn’t move voluntarily, but he muttered loudly. “Aren’t you Jewish? Go back to bed!” 

Harley screwed her face up into a pout for a second before she continued with her bouncing on her knees beside him in the bed. 

“Christmas Tree! Christmas Tree!” 

Joker groaned. “I’m dreaming about being emperor of the universe and killing Batman every afternoon for tea time fun. And you were a constellation, all pretty stars. You’re messing up my dream Harls…” 

Harley stopped bouncing, a look of pure confusion on her face before she muttered. “That’s a stupid dream.” 

Joker, dressed in a light blue sleeveless t-shirt and a pair of purple boxers, decorated in bright yellow polka dots, suddenly sprang up, tossing off his mask, spinning around and tackling Harley to the bed. Harley squealed loudly and giggled as she was thrown to the mattress, her pigtails flying. Her head hit the pillow and she let out a breathy gasp as Joker straddled her, grabbing her hands by the wrists and yanking them over her head. He grinned down at her, his green hair curling all over the place, his teeth shining in the dim bedroom light. 

“I got you now Harls!” Joker giggled softly. 

Harley squealed with delight, again adding a little wiggle to her hips under him. “Yes you do Mistah J!” 

He grinned slowly. “Mm...now what should I do with you now that I have you? You must be punished for waking me up and interrupting my dream...” 

Harley squealed with excitement. “OOoh punishment first, then Christmas tree?” 

As Joker’s smile spread across his face, he licked his lips slowly, then just when Harley thought he was going to kiss her, Joker dropped down and blew a large, wet, loud rasberry between her breasts. 

Harley squealed and laughed loudly kicking her heels against the bed. “PUDDIN!!” 

Joker motorboated his face between her breasts, blowing against her skin again, his chin catching on her sports bra a little while he blew his lips against her skin. 

Harley was laughing so hard tears were in her eyes as she screamed. “STOP!! PUDDIN!!” 

Joker sat up straight giving her an imperious look down his long nose at her. “Do you submit and admit you were wrong to wake the emperor while he was sleeping and dreaming about destroying Batman?” 

Harley grinned bright up at him, the love for him clear in her eyes, but she said with a giggle. “It was a stupid dream. Stars? ME?” 

Joker snickered. “Well I suppose you’re right. I can’t do this to a bunch of stars.” 

He waggled his eyebrows at her and dived down again to motorboat her breasts. Harley screamed with laughter, her arms still over her head, and kicked her legs again. 

Joker released Harley’s wrists to pull her sports bra down off her breasts followed by him pushing her breasts up and continuing to motorboat happily when there was a knock at the door, followed by the tune of Jingle Bells being knocked out against the door. 

Joker looked down at Harley with a grin. “Bob’s here!” 

Harley nodded. “Yep, he was bringing the car around while Frost was going to find a chainsaw. Remember, you promised we could get a tree out of Robinson Park…” 

Joker frowned his eyes going up in thought which was swiftly followed by a bright smile. “I did, didn’t I?!” 

Harley nodded. “Yep, you did puddin!” 

“Well, I guess since I promised…” Joker leaned down, placing a soft kiss on each of Harley’s nipples. She shivered with pleasure as the clown whispered, his breath warm against her skin, “We’ll just have to finish punishments later.” 

Harley stuck her bottom lip out. “Promise?” 

Joker laid down on top of her, his hands cradling her head while he gazed down at her. “I promise my pumpkin pie, I’ll punish you.” He smiled before he kissed her. 

Harley made a soft moan of pleasure, wrapping her arms and legs around him when the tune of Jingle Bells was knocked out again against their door. 

Joker pulled back from her lips, brushing his nose with hers before he turned to yell. “OKAY BOB!! BE THERE IN A JIFF!!” 

* 

An hour later Joker stood in the snow, clad in a bright red three piece suit that matched the color of his lips, with a white dress shirt and black tie and gloves that matched the black boots he had opted to wear. Over his outfit, Joker wore a grey silver fox fur coat that reached to the just below his knees. On top of his green hair he wore a bright red Santa hat trimmed in white fur. He took a drag from his cigarette as he watched Harley directing Bob--who looked like Santa dressed in a bright red suit and Santa hat--as well as Frost who had a sprig of holly pinned to his suit coat. With a critical eye, she pointed out which tree she wanted cut down for their Christmas tree. Actually, Joker was watching her rear end wiggle as his blonde partner bent down to point out where they should cut the trunk with the chainsaw. 

A grin touched Joker’s lips as he watched her. Harley looked adorable, dressed in a short black flared skirt, a snug red sweater trimmed in white that matched the waist length white fox fur coat she wore that was a shorter duplicate of his own fur coat. She also had on a matching white fur hat, her blonde hair spilling out from under the hat like lengths of spun gold. Harley was also wearing a pair of thigh high white boots (and matching gloves) that Joker was finding very distracting, especially since she wasn’t wearing any hose or tights with them. A few inches of her bare skin was visible between her skirt and her boots. He kept staring at the boots...imagining her naked with only the boots on, her ankles on his shoulders… 

“Puddin!” 

Joker started, brought his eyes up from her legs to see Harley glaring at him, the downed tree lying beside her. 

Harley stuck her bottom lip out. “You weren’t listening to me.” 

Joker tossed his cigarette down and stamped it out with his boot before he walked over, his arms wide. “I’m sorry my little snow peach. Daddy’s mind was wandering.” 

Harley smiled and rushed into his arms, sliding her arms under the coat and snuggling closer. Joker wrapped the coat and his arms around her. 

He glanced over at Frost and Bob who were lifting the tree. “All happy with your tree sweets?” 

Harley looked up at him with a bright smile, resting her chin against his chest. “Yep. Now we just need to steal some new decorations.” 

Joker frowned. “New?” 

Harley grinned. “I thought we should use diamonds.” 

Joker grinned down at her lifting a green brow. “Continue my frozen cupcake, I do like where your mind is going.” 

Harley smiled broadly, a smile that always made Joker want her. “Well, I saw that there was going to be a diamond showdown at the Gotham Grand Exhibit Center starting tomorrow. The show is titled Christmas Diamonds...I mean, it would be such a shame if there weren’t any diamonds for the exhibit, but I did think...wouldn’t they just look lovely on a Christmas tree!! AND I thought this was the perfect time for us to get Christmas decorations since the B-man hasn’t been seen in a few days...” 

Joker nodded. “True, true...I think he’s on Christmas break...so usually I wouldn’t feel like doing any heists if he isn’t around...I mean where’s the fun when Batsy isn’t trying to beat the hell out of me...but…” Joker laughed then. “You are a treat Harley!! Boys! Get the tree tied on the car and let’s go see some diamonds!” 

Joker kept Harley under his coat, his arm around her shoulders as he turned her around and began to lead her down the path they had followed into the park. “Let’s go see about some Christmas decorations shall we?” 

* 

When Frost pulled up in front of the Gotham Grand Exhibit Center, Bob was in the seat beside him, with Joker and Harley in the back. Joker leaned back with his arms crossed over his chest looking through the window at the center. 

Frost sighed, but said nothing. He had already figured, like every other car he had owned in which he ended up chauffeuring the Boss and Harley around Gotham in, it would either get destroyed, impounded or somehow end up not being his for very long. He didn’t see the point in getting himself a car he loved...this way, when he inevitably lost the Fusion, he wouldn’t care...though now his plan seemed to be backfiring because listening to the Boss complain about the car was enough to make Frost regret getting this stupid car. 

Harley had long ago tuned out Joker’s list of complaints about the new car. She was busily enjoying the Christmas lights strung about Gotham. She loved Christmas time, the lights, the decorations, the food, the trees!! She loved hanukkah too, but there was just something so magical about Christmas. She also loved Christmas because Joker always got into the Christmas spirit. 

She wiggled with delight thinking about her plans later tonight; she planned to wear a diamond necklace, her boots, a red ribbon and nothing else. She pressed her lips together on a quiet smile just as Frost pulled up in front of the Gotham Grand Exhibit Center. Like most buildings in Gotham this time of year, the outside of the center was decorated for the holidays. There were lights, wreaths and bells, but what really drew Harley’s attention were the large banners hanging in the floor to ceiling windows that made up the front entrance of the center. 

The banners--done in reds, greens and gold--all announced the Holiday Diamond Exhibit, featuring the Kris Kringle Red Diamond and The Black Forest Black Diamond for the “First Time Being Shown Right Here In Gotham!” 

Harley grinned turning around to tug on Joker’s shoulder. “Puddin! Puddin!! Look!!” 

Harley pointed out the window. 

Joker stopped complaining about the car and turned to look at what had excited Harley, then grinned. “Red and black diamonds? Ooh, how Christmasy!!” 

Harley grinned. “Can we take those too puddin?” 

Joker leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Of course my sweet little minx, anything for my best and only girl.” 

Harley squealed with delight, pushed open the car door, and jumped out. 

Joker leaned between the two front seats. “Bob, you’re with me. Frost my darling, you know how much I love you, but this…” He motioned at the interior of the car. “This simply has to go. Go find a new car then meet us back here.” 

Frost frowned. “With the tree?” 

Joker smiled. “Of course with the tree! How are we going to decorate with diamonds if we don’t have a Christmas tree?” 

Frost sighed, but nodded. “Okay Boss.” 

Joker leaned over and kissed Frost on the cheek. “Thank you darling. Come along Bob!! Pretties!!” 

Joker laughed and jumped out of the car. Bob patted Frost on the shoulder giving him a sad look. Frost smiled and reached up to pat Bob’s hand. “Thanks buddy. Go keep them out of trouble while I go find a new car.” 

Bob nodded and slipped out of the car. 

Frost sighed again. Where was he going to find a car? 

* 

Getting inside the exhibit center was easy. Joker wasn’t worry about security cameras overly much and Bob easily hacked into the security once they had broken inside. The Gotham PD would be here soon enough, but with the icy roads, snow and cold weather, Joker didn’t expect them until well after they had taken what jewels they wanted and skedaddled. 

Joker walked slowly through the exhibits, deciding what he wanted. Harley, armed with her baseball bat that she had retrieved from the trunk of the car, walked around smashing cases. Joker was doing the same, but with his fist until he found a piece he liked. He would simply break the glass and take it, sliding the items into the deep pockets of his fur coat. Harley and Bob were doing the same. 

Joker had stopped next to a case to examine an exquisite necklace and ring set made from a combination of rubies and diamonds, with the main pendant being a diamond shaped like a star that would look gorgeous on Harley. He had given her a lot of jewelry over their time together, and Harley never tired of it. Joker smiled at the thought. And he never tired of giving it to her. He grinned breaking the glass, knowing just what he was going to get her for Christmas--well at least one of the things he was going to get her. He had already planned on kidnapping one of the local bakers from one particular highly expensive eatery in Gotham. The baker there had made headlines in Gotham over some gold covered cupcakes with expensive ingredients that he created, only at his eatery. The cupcakes, covered in edible gold, were priced at nearly two thousand dollars. Harley would love to have a gold cupcake she could eat on Christmas. He had the kidnapping planned with the gang for Christmas Eve. He smiled wider, just adding the diamonds and rubies would be the icing on the cake. He snickered, delighted with himself. 

He loved to shower her with gifts when he could and Christmas was a perfect time for gift showering...which always ended with fantastic sex. He sighed imagining the sex...Harley had a ravenous vagina, and it was fantastic!! Joker snickered to himself thinking about how much fun he had planned with her when Harley called his name.. 

“Puddin!! Come here! You have to look at these!” 

Joker quickly pocketed his Christmas gift and hurried over to where Harley was staring into a large glass case. 

He stopped beside her and looked inside. “What is it Harls?” 

Harley pointed at the two large diamonds on display, each one part of its own necklace. The first one that Joker saw was a large red stone cut in a into the shape of a rectangle big enough to fit in the palm of his hand. The red diamond was part of a necklace that consisted of other much smaller emeralds making it look very Christmasy. The diamond on display next to the red and green diamond necklace was also part of a necklace. This one contained a large black stone and was cut in a pear shape hanging from a chain of tiny white diamonds. 

Harley said softly. “These are the Kris Kringle Red Diamond and The Black Forest Black Diamond.” 

Joker frowned. “All right, Kris Kringle diamond, I get that, it’s red, the emeralds are green…it’s a necklace for Mrs. Claus, but the Black Forest diamond?” 

Harley grinned with excitement and Joker could see she had a story to tell. He smiled indulgently. Every so often the fact that Harley had a college education seeped through and she would go into what he liked to call her teaching mode. Teaching mode was whenever Harley had some information to pass on that she knew no one else knew. She didn’t get to do it often, but when she did, she always got a little twinkle in her blue eyes that was adorable--and a little funny, like right how. Joker waited patiently. 

Harley’s eyes became huge as she spoke. “Well, the legend goes that the diamond was found in Germany’s Black Forest, just as it is now, in a perfect pear cut in the snow on December 5th….Krampusnacht. It’s believed that the diamond actually belongs to Krampus and that during the Christmas season, Krampus--while taking disobedient kids back with him--also searches for his diamond, punishing anyone who has it.” 

Joker lifted a brow at her. “Who the hell is Krampus?” 

Harley gasped in shock. “You don’t know who Krampus is?” 

Joker frowned a little annoyed. “Should I?” 

Harley giggled. “Krampus is this black fur covered character with hooves and horns. He has a really long tongue and fangs. He goes around and puts bad kids in a bag to take with him to be punished, though I think he might also have a branch or a whip so he can swat them right there; instant punishment!” Harley smacked one hand into the other making a loud smacking sound that echoed through the exhibit hall. 

Bob, who had been playing with a pair of diamond and pearl earrings jumped a foot dropping the earrings. He turned and gave Harley a sour look though Harley was too busy with her story to notice. 

Harley continued. “Now, I think the kids he takes, he eats them or just kills them...I’ve heard it a couple of ways, but the main point is, he always punishes the bad kids, and not by leaving coal in their stockings.” Harley gave Joker a big smile. “You know puddin, he is sorta like you to Batman, Krampus is Santa’s opposite, the same coin, different side.” 

Joker grinned at her. “Santa and Krampus are like me and Batman?” 

Harley nodded. “Well, yeah, I mean you are always killing people and doing…” She used her fingers to make air quotes. “...bad things, while the B-man is always going around trying to save Gotham and not killing the bad people and stuff like that...like Santa except Batsy doesn’t give away presents, he likes to give punches to the face.” Harley punched her fists out. “BAM! BOOM!!” Joker chuckled softly watching her dance around hitting invisible Batmans while he stood still for a moment thinking. Soon, a smile spread slowly across his face that made Harley think he looked a lot like the Grinch. 

“Oooh Harley, I have an idea!” 

Harley frowned with lifted brows, tilting her head to the side. “Idea puddin?” 

Joker rubbed his gloved hands together. “Why don’t we play Krampus? Batman is on vacation so no one is punishing the wicked!! It’s up to us Harley, in the season of giving, to give out some Krampus style punishments!!” 

Harley’s eyes began to twinkle as she clapped her hands with excitement. “Who are we going to punish puddin?” 

Joker frowned wrapping an arm across his chest and resting his elbow in his hand as he tapped his chin. “Hmm…let me think…” He looked up at the ceiling in thought for a few seconds, then grinned and looked at Harley. “Well, lucky for us sweets I have a WHOLE LIST of people who deserve punishment this holiday season!!” 

Harley clapped her hands. “I knew you would puddin! 

That was the moment they both heard the sound of a car screeching to a halt outside. Joker hurried over to a window to see Frost jumping out of a silver Audi A7 Sportback their Christmas tree tied to the roof. He was waving his arms over his head back and forth frantically. It had started snowing again while they were inside the exhibit center covering everything in another layer of thin snow. A few seconds later the sounds of police sirens could be heard in the distance. 

Joker turned back and motioned, spinning his hand in the air. “All right kiddies, get the loot and let’s scoot!!” 

Harley smashed the glass case containing the red and black diamond necklaces, grabbing them quickly before she took off running after Joker who was already heading toward the new car. Bob was right behind her, running in his silently frantic way. 

Once outside, Joker slid across the snowy sidewalk, his arms out, somehow finding a way to make something that should have looked awkward, elegant, stopping himself just as he came to the car. He yanked the back door open, standing out of the way so Harley, who wasn’t sliding nearly as elegantly despite her gymnastics background, could dive into the car before he hopped inside himself. Bob slipped and slammed into the car causing the entire vehicle to shake. For a split second it looked like the tree might come loose, but it held. Harley yelped and giggled while Bob yanked his door open and threw himself inside. 

Frost was cursing silently to himself as he hit the gas, the car leaping forward just as the cop cars came speeding around the corner. 

Joker was laughing so hard he was in tears. 

“Frost darling, open my window!!” Joker laughed. 

Frost glanced over his shoulder at Joker with a frown, but did as the Boss asked. As they were pulling away Joker leaned out the window. “HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY HOLIDAY YOU PIGS!!” 

Joker’s laugh echoed down the snowy evening streets as their stolen car sped away. 

* 

A hour later, with the snow picking up, dropping fat, wet flakes on Gotham and after stopping off to pick up a good switching branch from a tree, Frost pulled up in front of one of the most exclusive apartment buildings in Gotham city, the Gotham Glow. The apartment building had eighty-four luxury apartments with 328 stylish rooms for corporate meetings or wedding receptions. The apartment building was also exclusive, only for the very rich (or the very corrupt) to actually live in. Bruce Wayne had an apartment here as did Oliver Queen, Maxwell Lord and Lex Luthor. 

Harley looked out the window and let out a low whistle. “Wow, that place looks expensive. Who are we going to punish puddin?” 

Joker grinned. “We are going to see one Robert Kelley, a highly paid lawyer for the rich and corrupt AND a drink-all-day drunk. He is a very, very bad boy Harls and I think that we, as Krampus representatives in Gotham, should punish Mr. Kelley.” 

Harley clapped her hands and chanted in a sing song voice. “Punishments! Punishments!!” 

Joker laughed at her before he leaned forward resting his arms on the front seats to look at his two favorite henchmen. “Okay Frost, your job is car duty, which is: sit in the car and be ready to go. I like this car better than the last though, it’s still not quite up to Joker standards.” 

Frost sighed softly. “Yes Boss.” 

Joker turned to Bob. “You, my dear, get to be Krampus’ little helper!” 

Bob clapped, a large grin on his face. 

Joker grinned. “Okay, let’s go have some fun!” 

* 

Robert Kelley smiled happily. The apartment he rented, in one of the most exclusive buildings in Gotham, looked out onto a gorgeous view. He had expensive furniture, the room decked out in classic black and white with smooth finished lines that made him feel like he was living the life that some people only dreamed of. It didn’t matter he was up to his ears in debt or that the mafia, the drug lords and the pimps owned him. He was living large and living well. 

What made tonight even better was that the wife was out of town for the holidays. Kelley had remained in Gotham with the lie that he was working a big case. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. He did have a case to work on, a little bit. One of his clients, a man named Lazlo Valentin, one of Gotham’s leading plastic surgeons, had been accused of--among other things--the sale of illegal drugs and of malpractice. Several young women had accused him of making them into monsters instead of fixing their faces. Kelley had seen the young women. They were definitely hideous now with doll-like features. Worse, the surgeon was suspected of at least one, possibility two murders. Kelley had already paid the right people to get the man off to hook so that Valentin could go back to his practice. So now tonight was about celebrating his success. 

Kelley had paid for three very high priced hookers, some cocaine and fifteen bottles of the best wine money could buy (on short notice). Two of the girls were already stoned out of their minds while the third was licking his chest while he drank his way through his fifth bottle of wine when there was a knock at the door. 

Kelley leaned back on his couch and glanced over at the wide white door with a frown. He wasn’t expecting anyone this late. He sat up and counted the hookers, yeah there were three, he was pretty sure three was all he had paid for. The knock came again. 

Kelley sighed, pushing the woman off. “Hold on,” he grumbled as he made his way to the apartment door, the wine bottle in his hand. He leaned close to the door, struggling to look through the peephole as he yelled. “WHO IS IT?” 

The deep, muffled voice called back. “Land Shark.” 

Kelley looked confused, struggling with the peephole. He could sorta of see some colorful shapes, but it was hard to tell. “What?” 

“Candy gram,” the voice said. 

Kelley blinked very slowly. “What the fuck is a candy gram?” 

Kelley steadied himself, fumbled at the knob, then opened the door to find a gorgeous woman standing there with a baseball bat in one hand and resting on a shoulder, a clown with a gun in hand and what looked like a tree branch in the other, and a beardless Santa Claus holding nothing, all standing in his doorway. 

The clown smiled wide, showing off perfect white teeth. “Merry Christmas! Time to pay for your sins!!” 

Kelley frowned. “What?” 

Joker stepped into the apartment, followed by Harley and Bob. Joker put his arm around Kelley’s shoulders. “Well Mr. Robert Kelley, you my friend have just won a visit from me, The Joker, my lovely assistant…” Joker pointed at Harley who smiled and posed. “And my little helper elf!” Here Joker pointed at Bob. “And I am here as a representative of Krampus! Do you know what that means?” 

The prostitute Kelley had left on his couch looked up. Despite being drunk and high, she--unlike Kelley--she knew exactly what and who she was seeing. Her mouth began to open wide, a scream ready to bubble up, but Harley moved swiftly, cutting the distance from the front door to the couch within the time it took for the prostitute to inhale sharply, taking a classic batter pose before she swung, putting her entire body into the swing. Harley’s bat hit the woman in the face with hard, heavy sounding whack of wood against teeth and bone. The prostitute disappeared behind the couch without uttering a word. 

Harley spun around with a big smile. 

Joker laughed, squeezing Kelley’s shoulders companionably. “Isn’t she just a dream, Bobby old buddy?! She’s sexy and she can swing a bat or a hammer like no one I’ve ever seen!! She really gets the fire in my groin going. Ya know what I mean?” 

Kelley looked back to where the prostitute had disappeared on the other side of the couch and back at the three visitors and muttered. “Is she dead?” 

Joker laughed. “Darling, we’re all dead, some of us just get there a little sooner than the rest. Now…” Joker patted Kelley on the chest. “We have several other people to visit tonight. Lots of bad little boy sand girls out there in Gotham, so, we are going to make this quick. Aren’t we Harls?” 

Joker smiled at her and Harley tittered. “Sure thing puddin.” 

She walked back over, swinging her bat as she came closer. Bob walked around frowning then made a motion with his hands. Joker glanced over to the bald man and frowned. 

“You’re right Bob dear! There isn’t a Christmas tree or decorations!!” Joker made a loud over the top gasping sound. “Really Robert! No tree? No presents? No gingerbread house? Where is your Christmas spirit man?!” 

Robert Kelley blinked in confusion before he muttered. “Don’t really like Christmas.” 

Harley made a small squeak of surprise and Joker did another theatrical gasp while Bob looked sad. Joker shook his head. “Well, Robert, my friend, you really deserve what is coming to you.” 

Joker turned and gave Kelley a push. “Harley!” 

Harley giggled. “On it puddin!” 

As Kelley stumbled toward Harley, she took up another batting position and swung when the lawyer was within range. Her weapon swung around to hit Kelley across the face in a spectacular display, knocking several teeth out. The teeth flew across the room, the light twinkling on them and making them look like Christmas stars. Kelley hit the floor and laid there groaning, his jaw broken, blood pooling out of his mouth onto the floor. Joker walked over and leaned down over the lawyer with a grin. “Merry Christmas,” he said just before Harley brought her bat down on Kelley’s head. 

* 

The three of them left, giggling like school children who had just pulled off a prank as they took the elevator down to the ground floor. As soon as the elevators doors closed and Bob had pushed the button, Joker spun around and pinned Harley up against the back of the elevator. His body was pressed up against hers, his fur coat open, hiding where their bodies met. 

“That was the sexiest thing I ever saw,” he purred, rubbing his nose against hers; his blue eyes were glowing slightly as he stared back at her. “I do so love watching you work Harls.” He grinned, his lips brushing hers when he spoke before he moved back enough that he could start to pull his gloves off, using his teeth. 

Harley giggled with delight watching him pull his gloves off his teeth. It was so sexy, his perfect teeth biting into the leather before he pulled the gloves off revealing his long, elegant pale fingers, the nails painted a deep blood red that almost looked black. She had done his nails herself, clipping, filing, painting. She loved doing his nails for him, holding his hand on hers, the way he looked at her while she worked...The whole scene of him taking his gloves off had her wiggling against the back of the elevator in anticipation, heat rushing all over her body. Joker stuffed the gloves in the pockets of his fur coat before his hands reached down and snaked up her legs, then under her skirt, warm fingers against her cool skin. Harley shivered at his touch. 

Joker purred again, a little growl mixing in as he brushed his nose against her cheek, then her nose, his lips grazing hers. “You are so sexy my little minx.” 

His hands traveled further, brushing against her groin only to realize she wasn’t wearing any panties. 

Joker gasped with a delighted grin. “Harley, you naughty girl! No panties??” 

Harley giggled and whispered. “You like me being naughty don’t you puddin?” 

Joker pressed her more firmly against the back of the elevator, his fingers sliding against her, pressing between her legs to the warm wet core of her while he whispered against her lips. 

“Mmm….I do like it. I like it very much my pumpkin pie.” 

Bob glanced over with a smile, producing a pair of earbuds from somewhere on his person and cheerfully stuck them in his ears, turning up the music. He grinned happily and began to bob his head into time to the sounds of “Here Comes Santa Claus” as he watched the floor numbers count down. 

Joker pressed up harder against her, lifting one of her legs over his arm, his fingers sliding inside her. Harley grabbed his shoulders, her fingers sinking into the fur of his coat. She loved the press of his thumb against her, the way his fingers felt inside her. She tensed, her muscles clamping down around him as he caressed that tender spot deep inside her. 

She gasped. “Uh puddin…” 

Joker smiled capturing her mouth, his tongue sliding between her lips. 

Harley made a muffled sound of pleasure, her fingers wrapping around the fur of his coat when he slid his fingers deeper inside her, hooking just enough to touch that spot that made her want to scream. He moved his hand up and down, slowly, his thumb pressed against her clitoris. He pulled her leg up higher, his tongue moving down along her chin, snaking down the front of her throat while gently forcing her head back. 

Harley whimpered with pleasure; everything he was doing felt so good, every touch made her wild. Joker continued to thrust his fingers into her, rubbing her clitoris and biting her throat. Every sensation built higher and higher until she cried out, her orgasm slamming into her at the same moment the elevator stopped on the first floor and the doors slid open. 

Joker chuckled huskily against her neck, his fingers still buried inside her. Harley was panting, her body twitching. She moaned softly when he removed his fingers, gently setting her leg down before he grinned at her, putting his soaked fingers into his mouth. He grinned at her as he sucked on his fingers for a moment or two before he chuckled. 

“Ready for our next stop?” He smile rubbing the tip of his tongue with the pad of one damp finger. 

Harley’s cheeks were bright red. “Yes puddin.” 

Joker smiled, donning his gloves as he stepped out of the elevator behind Bob. “Well, let’s go sweets! Papa needs to administer some spankings!” 

Harley pulled her skirt back down and quickly followed Joker out of the building, hoping over the dead security guard on her way out. 

* 

Scott Corrigan stood on the corner near The Cherry Drill, a strip club and the front for a meth lab that he helped to run. Corrigan was an ex-CSI for Gotham, having been let go after a stink was kicked up over him taking bribes. Everyone in the Gotham Police Department took bribes, the only difference with him was that he had gotten caught and ended up taking the fall for all of them. Now it was business as usual at the GCPD and here he was beating down joints like this for protection money and selling meth on the side to make ends meet. 

Corrigan turned and headed down the street, shoving his money into his pocket, ducking his head against the snow that was picking up when he heard a voice from the alley he had just passed. 

“Hey mister, got time to keep a girl warm?” 

Corrigan frowned. The voice was soft and pretty, lacking the harshness that spoke of drug abuse and eating cigarettes. He stopped for a moment to look down the alley, his eyebrows shooting up when he saw a pretty blonde in a pair of killer boots, short skirt, and a red bra with a fur coat over the top. She had on one of those white fur hats he had seen those Russian models wear in the pages of that Russian edition of Playboy Magazine. 

Corrigan looked around, but he didn’t see anyone else. He smiled and shrugged. She couldn’t be too expensive out here hanging in an alley though she looked like she would be one of those expensive hookers that the congressmen always got. Corrigan sucked on his lips for a moment before he stepped into the alley. 

The young woman smiled, beckoning him with a finger to follow her deeper into the alley. 

“So how much for a blow job versus a hard fuck?” Corrigan asked as he followed her. 

She giggled and turned around once she had reached the end of the alley. “Oh, I’m afraid naughty boys like you don’t get blow jobs or hard fucks.” The woman giggled. “Those are only for good boys like my puddin.” 

“Puddin?” Corrigan looked confused, only now the idea that he had followed a strange woman (who, now that he really looked at her wasn’t strung out or drunk and was really far too pretty to be hanging out in alleys.) That was the moment he heard the laugh, that sinister, bone chilling laugh. He had heard it before, lots of times when he was with the police department before he had switched to the CSI department--all of them had heard that laugh. It was only now that he connected the dots between the pretty blonde and her use of the term puddin. 

“Oh fuck me.” Corrigan turned to see Joker, smacking one gloved hand with a thin tree branch that immediately reminded Corrigan of all those times his father beat him as a kid with a switch. 

The Clown Prince of Crime stood next to some large bald man in a Santa suit. 

Joker laughed. “Eww!! No thank you!” He shuddered and made a gagging sound. 

Corrigan pulled out the money he had just shoved into his pocket. “Look, just take this and I’ll pretend I never saw you.” 

Joker laughed. “Oh sweetheart, Mr. Scott Corrigan, today you are about to be punished for all your wrong doings by me, a Krampus representative!!” 

Corrigan looked confused. “Krampus? What the fuck is a Krampus?” 

Joker gave the man an exaggerated frowned. “Oh, poor naughty Corrigan. Poppa is gonna have to spank you.” 

Joker moved so swiftly that Corrigan didn’t have a chance to say anything in response before Joker stepped forward and swung the switch with such speed and power that the branch ripped across Corrigan’s face, cutting across the man’s cheek, ripping away flesh. Joker hit the man again and again. Corrigan dropped with a scream. He pulled himself into a tight ball while Joker beat him with the switch. The sturdy, willowy thing ripped through the flesh of Corrigan’s hands and into his scalp until 

Joker finally stopped. 

Joker was panting a bit and groaned. “What the fuck Harley! How the hell does Krampus beat people to death with this thing!” Joker threw the switch against the wall in disgust. 

Harley stepped over the whimpering Corrigan to drape her arms around Joker’s shoulders. “Puddin, I don’t think Krampus actually beat anyone to death. Probably more like just punished them--and he was using it against children.” 

Joker gave Harley a sour look before he pulled out his gun just as Corrigan looked up at him. 

Joker smiled, said, “Merry Christmas!” 

And pulled the trigger. 

* 

Back in the car Joker was still sour over the switch. 

Harley frowned. “Aww, puddin, you don’t have to look so glum.” 

Joker looked out the window his arms crossed over his chest. “I thought it would be fun using a switch and it wasn’t. It was too much work.” 

Harley removed her gloves and hat, dropping them in the seat behind her and rubbed her hand down his thigh. “Awww, come on puddin, turn that frown upside down.” 

Joker tightened his arms, ignoring her. 

Harley smiled moving closer, giving his knee a squeeze. “I know just what you need puddin, to put a smile on that grumpy face.” 

She pulled his coat aside, placing her hand between his legs and squeezed gently. Joker made a soft sound of pleasure, though he still didn’t move. Harley grinned leaning close to lick his ear, squeezing, followed by rubbing her hands up and down gently. 

“Mmm, come on puddin...give your girl a smile,” she purred before tracing his ear with the tip of her tongue. 

Joker closed his eyes with a soft smile, clearly enjoying her attentions. 

Harley leaned in and began to slowly pull the buckle of his pants free with one hand, finding the button, then pulling down the zipper. She slid her hand past the band of his boxers, her warm fingers glided down his hardening erection as she purred. “Mmm....oh puddin, you know how much I want you…” 

* 

Frost’s eyes widened in alarm as he realized what was going on in the back seat. He looked at Bod who smiled and pulled out another set of earbuds along with an ancient ipod. 

Frost grinned at Bob. “Thank you.” 

Bob leaned over and put the earbuds in for Frost with a happy smile and turned on the music. The sounds of Nat King Cole singing Christmas carols filled his ears and Frost sighed with a happy smile. 

* 

When Harley pulled Joker free from his boxers, she made him groan. She grinned looking down at his pale member. She loved the way he looked, loved everything about her puddin’s erection, but what she loved the best was the way he groaned and jerked when she had him in her mouth. She shifted her position so she could lean more easily across his lap, holding him to her lips. She traced her lips over the satin smooth skin of his tip, flicking her tongue across the small slit, tasting his excitement. She moved in closer to wrap her mouth around him. 

Joker closed his eyes, resting a hand on her head. His fingers slowly caressed her hair while she moved her lips up and down his length, her tongue slipping and sliding back and forth along him as she dove down, taking all of him in until her nose was pressed against his boxers, then slowly back up again, pressing her teeth gently against him. Joker hissed dropping his head back against the seat. “Uuhh...Harley…” 

Harley grinned around him. She loved doing this, loved the feel of him in her mouth, the warm, soft, satin texture of his skin. She enjoyed the way his erection felt against her tongue, having him in her mouth made her body ache for him, and she wanted him badly, but right now she was focused on making him feel good. 

She circled her tongue around the head of his erection, caressing him slowly, smiling each time he groaned and arched into her attentions. She loved the feel of his fingers in her hair, stroking tenderly. She sucked deeper, sliding her hand around him while she sucked on the head of his erection; her saliva coated his erection making her hand move smoothly around him as she lightly twisted, alternating those caresses by sliding her lips down, taking him deep into her mouth before wrapping her tongue around him and sucking. 

Joker’s eyes fluttered open, groaning as she pulled on him. The wet slide of her tongue, the way she altered between the caress of her tongue and the press of her teeth, he arched slightly, his body tense...he hissed. 

“Harley...I’m gonna…” 

Harley smiled when she felt him tighten, his entire body going still for a split second, his fingers grasping her hair before her mouth was flooded. She didn’t stop what she was doing, continuing to suck and bob her head, swallowing down everything he gave her while she continued to lick and suck until she felt him turn into a gasping, quivering mess, his fingers twitching in her hair. He groaned loudly, jerked and hissed until she finally freed him. 

Joker melted against the seat with a giggle. 

Harley sat up smiling ear to ear as she ran her thumb along the side of her mouth. 

“Better?” she asked with a giggle. 

Joker, still lying back against the seat, his legs sprawled and his hand that had been in her hair lying limp against the seat, giggled at her. “You are such a little minx Harley.” 

Harley squealed with pleasure before diving into his arms. 

* 

Frost pulled up in front of the last house of the night. 

They had made a few stops on the way, giving holiday punishments to a couple of ex-cops that Joker knew about who had been on the take, an old acquaintance who had turned evidence against Joker that got him caught and sent to Arkham, and an old retired doctor from Arkham who had been mean to Harley the last time she had been in the asylum. 

Now they were in front of Jill Loeb’s house, ex-commissioner Jill Loeb, the last stop of the night. 

Loeb had worked with the local Gotham mob for years, getting Falcone, Maroni--all of them off, making sure that nothing the police gathered stuck to any of them. Loeb had even managed to retire before any evidence could come to light about her involvement, handing over the reins to Jim Gordon and slipping away without ever having to pay the consequences for her dishonesty. Now she lived well, still working closely with the likes of Falcone and Maroni. Joker knew that she also had a hand in some “greasing of the wheels” for the mob such as gun smuggling, drug sales and human trafficking. Jill Loeb had become very comfortable thanks to her ties to the mob. 

Joker chuckled as he looked at the the ex-commissioner’s home, located in one of the nicer boroughs in Gotham. The building was a converted carriage house with old brick and dark wood trim, dripping with historic atmosphere and character. The entire area was trimmed with trees lining the sidewalks, old fashioned street lights and a noticeable lack of crime. Joker doubted Batman had ever been down here, too busy lurking around the poor neighborhoods looking for criminals than coming to search out places like this for the real criminals, Joker thought with a grin. Well when old Batsy got back from wherever it was bats went for Christmas vacation, he was going to be surprised! Sometimes the pretty gift wrapping on the front disguised the rot underneath. 

Joker yawned. “Well, let’s go do our last Krampusing and get home. Daddy is tired and bored. If I had more time I could be more creative about killing these fools, but as it is…” He trailed off wrinkling his nose. 

Harley nodded. “Besides, our Christmas tree is gonna dry out before we even get it home!” 

Joker nodded his agreement. “So, how should we punish our dear ex-commissioner?” 

Harley frowned in thought. “Molotovs?” 

Joker made a face. “The only problem with that is that she might get out of the house.” 

“Oh.” Harley frowned, realizing that was a real possibility. 

Joker threw his hands up. “You know what? let’s just get in there and get her and see what happens, shall we?” 

Harley clapped her hands as Joker pushed the door open. “All right, everyone out! Let’s go!” 

* 

Inside Jill Loeb was drinking a beer, smoking a cigarette, and watching “It’s a Wonderful Life.” She didn’t have any family she cared to spend any time with over the holidays, she wasn’t married and had no children, which was exactly how she liked it. 

She took a hard pull on her cigarette, letting the smoke out slowly as she watched the movie when she heard a knock at her door. She turned to glare at the door. It was the middle of the night--fuck, it was almost morning and it was snowing. Whoever was at her door wouldn’t be here for a friendly visit. She licked her lips in thought wondering who it could be when a smile spread across her face. It had to be Tony, the Neon Dragons Boss and her current lover. He had said he would stop by after his plane landed. He had gone to Hong Kong to secure some samples of some new designer drug and to visit his mother, but he intended to be back before Christmas. 

Jill stood up and went to open the door, her mouth in the middle of forming a hello when she saw the Joker framed by Harley Quinn, some bald Santa Claus and Jonny Frost. 

Joker’s grin was wide as he said. “Merry Christmas Commissioner Loeb!” 

Before Loeb could scream, Harley punched her right in the face. 

* 

When Loeb came to, she could taste blood in her mouth from her split lips, her nose felt swollen, and she realized at the same time she was duct taped. She felt tape around her mouth, her arms and her legs, and she was sitting up in one of her chairs in her living room. The movie she had been watching was still playing, meaning she had only been out for a little while. As she looked around the room, she could see Joker sitting on her couch in his fur coat with a bowl of popcorn between his legs, with Harley Quinn curled up against his side. She could smell coffee being made in her kitchen behind her, and Jonny Frost was sitting in her recliner leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. From the look of things, the criminals were in the middle of a conversation. 

Joker frowned tossing some popcorn into his mouth with a sigh. “So, any ideas?” 

Frost shrugged. “Well Boss, she has a decent size freezer in the back room. We could put her in there.” 

Joker grinned pointing at Frost. “OOooh Frost my darling, I LOVE IT! That is a fantastic idea. We can just put her in the freezer and close the lid. Except...how long does it take a person to freeze to death?” 

Harley grabbed a piece of popcorn and popped it in her mouth, chewing in thought. “If I remember correctly from school, it can take a while to freeze solid--a few days--but since the freezer is probably air tight, she might suffocate before then.” 

Joker chuckled. “Oh, how gruesome! Let’s do it!” 

Loeb began to wiggle and scream, but her noises were muffled by the tape. 

Harley stood up and stretched her arms over her head. “Do you wanna shoot in her head or something first puddin?” 

Joker grinned. “Nah, where’s the punishment? Besides, we shot a couple of people tonight, it's getting boring. Nah, let’s just throw her in there as is!” 

Frost walked over and picked up Loeb, tossing her over his shoulder. 

“Bob, stop cooking and come on, we are going to look at the freezer!” Joker grinned, his hand in Harley’s as he led their little group to the back of the house. 

* 

The back room of the house had been turned into a food storage area with metal shelves holding boxes of dry food and shelves of canned goods. It almost looked as if ex-commissioner Loeb was preparing for the Apocalypse. The freezer was decent sized, just big enough to hold a body with the legs bent, once it was empty. Joker frowned, pulling out items from the freezer. He held up a package with a disgusted look. “Who has venison in their freezer? In Gotham?” 

Harley leaned in and pulled out another package. “Ewww! Puddin! She has snails in here!” 

Joker shook his head. “Well she deserves to die for no other reason than her taste in food is suspect.” He leaned into the freezer. “Okay, we need to clean this out a bit to make room. Bob!” 

Joker turned to see Bob smiling and waiting. “Bob darling, take whatever you want for cooking--we need to make room for our dear ex-commissioner.” 

Bob nodded and quickly got to work. After a few minutes Bob had emptied out the freezer enough to drop Loeb inside. She continued to scream and squirm as the large bald Santa lifted her up and gently placed her in the freezer. 

Joker walked over and looked down at her with a frown. “You know, I think we might want to hurry this along. Bob, why don’t you bring me some water.” 

Bob nodded and hurried off. Joker grinned down at Loeb. “Sorry about this. I just shot a lot of people tonight and it was getting boring. But this should be fun...ish…” He shrugged. “At this point, I don’t even care.” 

Bob returned with a glass pitcher of water and handed it to Joker. “Ah, thank you my love. Okay Loeby--here we go!” 

Joker poured the pitcher of water across her as the women struggled, then with a cheery smile, he and Harley looked down at her and waved. “Merry Christmas!” they said in unison before slamming the lid down and plunging the former police commissioner into darkness. 

* 

Joker sighed. “Well, that was anticlimactic. I don’t think I’m cut out to be a representative of Krampus.” 

Harley had dropped the temperature on the freezer as low as it would go before she frowned giving the freeze a kick. The muffled sounds of Loeb struggling and crying inside could be heard, though only barely. “Wanna stick around for a little bit, see what happens?” 

Joker sighed. “Sure why not? Bob can you whip up something to eat?” 

Bob nodded with a grin and hurried off. 

Frost motioned after Bob. “I’ll go help him out unless you need me for anything else Boss.” 

“Nah, you got help Bob, Frost. Harley and I will think of something to do.” Joker looked around the back room and found a couple of cases of soup, which he moved to place on top of the freezer. 

He turned to look at Harley. “So pumpkin, what shall we do to kill time?” 

Harley smiled. “Well, I might have an idea or two…” 

* 

Loeb’s bedroom was the nicest room in the entire home, with a large queen size bed piled with soft fluffy pillows and pink blankets piled at the end of the bed. The room was done in shades of white and pastel pink. 

Harley grinned as she walked into the room after flipping on the light switch. “Ooh puddin!! It’s like a room made up of cotton candy!” 

She rushed over and threw herself onto the bed. She giggled and rolled onto her back. “It’s so soft!” 

Joker chuckled watching her as he stripped out of his coat and tossed it over a chair in the corner. He bent over to untie his shoes while Harley hopped up and out of her own coat, pulling her sweater off after it. He grinned watching her remove her bra and toss it to the floor before she sat down and reached for the zipper of her boot. 

Joker stood up pulling off his suit jacket. “No.” 

Harley stopped mid motion and looked over at him. “No?” 

He grinned. “The boots--leave them on sweets.” He lifted one eyebrow with meaning. 

Harley giggled as she stood and shimmied out of her skirt. She caught her bottom lip with her teeth, grinning at him as she cocked her hip and put her finger against her chin. “You wanna rev up your Harley puddin?” 

Joker had removed everything but his boxers, socks and sock garters. He grinned brightly as he shoved his boxers down to his ankles. “RUMM RUMM!!” He laughed stepping out of his boxers and running over to her grabbing her as he tackled her to the bed. 

Harley squealed loudly, laughing as she hit the mattress. 

Harley pushed him over onto his back and hopped on top of him, squatting over him while at the same time she leaned down, kissing him hard, her hands grabbing fistsful of green hair. 

Joker smiled, reaching up to grab her hips, his arms around feeling the slick, coolness of her boots against his arms and torso. 

Harley shifted, rising over him just enough to hold him in position before she pierced herself on him, driving herself down on him with a loud gasp as his erection thrust into her. She growled with pleasure, sliding her hands from his hair to his chest. 

Joker grunted when their bodies joined together, the intensity of feeling her wet warmth wrap around him had his body shivering with pleasure. He ran his hands up her thighs to her knees, spreading her legs to look down at where their bodies came together. He smiled, his hands sliding down her legs over the boots then back up to her knees. 

Harley arched her back, pressing her hands into his chest and began to rock, thrusting back and forth, pressing herself down on him while she rolled her hips for a few intense moments before she began to bounce. She alternated between thrusting, followed by bounces, her fingers pressing into his chest almost painfully, her nails digging into his skin before sliding down to his ribs as she arched back and gasped with each thrust. She moved quickly as an intense ripple of pleasure rolled over her, moving swiftly into a full fledge orgasm that had her gasping. 

Joker caressed her knees watching the way her breasts bounced, the way his erection disappeared into her, coming back soaked in her fluids. He hissed slightly, his eyes fluttering with pleasure when she came, her body tightening around him. He reached down to stroke his thumb over her clitoris, grinning at how wet she was, how absolutely dripping. His thumb was slick with her as he rubbed her, caressing her softly, his thumb sliding against her and evoking heavy gasps from his Harley. 

Harley dropped her legs down a moment later to grind herself on him, her hips rolling faster, her breath coming in quick pants. She moved her hands behind her, grasping his thighs and thrusting faster while he rubbed his thumb against her. She arched her back as she felt tingling sensations through all her limbs, followed by a high pitched cry of his name. 

Joker hissed when her climax washed over him. He grabbed her, yanking her down when she came, plastering his mouth against hers at the same time wrapping his arms around her and pushed, flipping them both over so that Harley was on her back. 

Harley squeaked in pleasured surprise against his mouth. 

Joker chuckled as he sat up a little, grabbing her legs and moving them over his shoulders at the same time he leaned down and crushed his mouth against hers again, his fingers digging into the comforter of the bed on either side of her head as he thrust, hard and fast, burying himself deep inside her. 

Harley held onto his shoulders with a gasp. “Oh puddin, I love you so much!” 

Joker growled softly, running his tongue along her jaw. “My girl, my sweet, sweet girl…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I love you Harls…” 

Harley groaned, her hands sliding down his arms, her fingers pressing into his skin, squeezing, her orgasm deep and intense. 

Joker growled laying his forehead against her as he released, bursting inside her, his orgasm flooding over him in a long wave of mind numbing delight until he could no longer hold himself up. 

He released her legs and flopped down on top of her with a groan of pleasure. 

Harley wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him like she was afraid he would leave, but Joker only moved a little wrapping his arms around her head and held her snugly. 

They were both quiet for a few moments, letting their breathing regulate, until he finally pulled out of her. He rolled onto his back, but he pulled her in close to him. 

Harley snuggled close and wrapped one of her legs around his leg, her head nestled on his chest, her arm around his waist. 

Joker sighed contently. “I do like those boots,” he said softly. 

Harley giggled softly. “I’m glad.” 

Harley moved just enough to sit up and grab one of the pink blankets, pulling it over the both of them before she snuggled back into her place against his side. 

Joker smiled softly and, content for the moment in Harley’s arms, closed his eyes. 

“I bet Krampus doesn’t get this kind of reward for a job well done,” he mumbled softly. 

Harley simply giggled.


End file.
